


A new life

by housearg



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Daddy Josh, Family, Graduation, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:55:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 34,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23824165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/housearg/pseuds/housearg
Summary: Josh comes back for a special ocassion.Maybe it´s time for a new life, after allNOT COMPLETECARACTHERS NOT MY OWN - Just an old fan girl here
Relationships: Josh Lyman & Donna Moss, Josh Lyman/Donna Moss
Comments: 7
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

He gets out of the car, and breathes in. It´s been a while, really. He smiles at the sound of young people running, and shouting, Friday afternoon chaos.  
Wow… this does not age – he thinks to himself  
And then, he spots her.  
He freezes for a second. He doesn´t want to be “that” dad. The one that embarrases young daughters by a gigantic display of fatherly affection. He has to be “cool”, casual. But how? When all he wants to do is run and grab her baby girl just like when she was 5?  
\- Hey Kid – he shouts  
\- Dad!!! You made it! – she runs to his arms and hugs him  
\- Dad, I´m so happy you made it. You really came!  
\- Of course I did! I wouldn´t miss it for the world  
\- Well… technically, yes. You would have missed it for the world. And hey, that would be perfectly fine by me, but … you know, all I´m saying is that I´m really happy the world is not falling apart today. Or tomorrow.  
\- Ok… let´s not jinx it ok? – he shudders \- What are you? 10?< \- Hey… i´m your father, where´s that… you know, respect? \- You have to earn it Dad… when you say those things… \- Ok, Ok, my oh so pragmatic only daughter! What are you up to this bright afternoon? They start walking along the side walk, Josh with an arm on her shoulders and a big smile on his face. How great is that his baby is finishing highschool? And she´s going to Yale in the Fall. How great is that? Another Lyman in Yale. His grandfather would be proud. Hell, President Bartlet is already proud. Although he made a very strong case about Notredame… He caved at last, to sacriface his point of view in lieu of family tradition. \- Oh… you know, i´m done with my clases, i´m done with my extra curricular activities, I´m done with the paper. I told you prom got posponed right? \- Yeah… you did. What´s up with that? \- Some administrative bul… sorry, a, let´s say, misunderstanding… He smirks. This girl… this young woman, such a Lyman. Her mother would be probably be rolling her eyes. \- And when is this, you know, prom thing happening?  
\- Tomorrow, after the ceremony  
\- How convenient…  
\- Well… I guess it is. We´ll have the ceremony in the morning. Lunch together. And then off to prom. You´ll stay for lunch tomorrow right?  
\- Of course I will, Kid. Your mom had Shana set it in my calendar almost 3 months ago. She also got her plenty of flights options and hotels. She even suggested suitable presents for a young graduate…  
\- Oh… did she?  
\- Yes, she did. Apparently, I´m not to be trusted with such a fatherly responsability, giving that you know, I am your father and all  
\- I think Mom acknoledges that you can and are perfectly capable of buying a proper present for your only daughter graduating from highschool… but takes under consideration that said father also … you know… runs a country  
\- Ah… that.  
\- Yeah. I think she knows you, knows your job, knows your Schedule and more importantly, knows that you want to do good for…your only daughter…  
\- You keep saying “only daughter” as if your were the heiress to tha great kingdom of… i don´t know…  
\- Your only daughter… - she continued - the validictorian. Tomorrow.  
He stops on his tracks.  
\- Are you serious?  
\- Yes  
\- You are?  
\- Yes  
\- You are validictorian?  
\- Yes  
\- Does Yale know?  
\- I don´t know.  
\- You are validictorian?  
\- Yeah. A Little less surprised, would you?  
\- Oh my God  
\- I know. It´s big  
\- It is big.  
\- Yes  
\- You have to give a speech  
\- Yes I do  
\- You have to write a speech  
\- Yes  
\- You have to be inspiring,  
\- I know this, Dad…  
\- I mean… it´s a great responsability. It´s a big speech, kid  
\- I know Dad  
\- Do you need help with the speech?  
\- No, Dad.  
\- You wrote it already  
\- Yes  
\- And you did it alone? No help whatsoever  
\- Well  
\- I knew it… you sent it to President Barlet right?  
\- No, Dad. I asked him, but he said he was sure it was a perfect speech giving that i was the validictorian, and had been admited to Yale, you know…  
\- Well… yes, but I mean, it´s a big speech!  
\- I know that Dad.  
\- And he asked Mom to send a video of said speech  
\- Oh i bet he did  
\- So I… sort of…  
\- You had Mom read it?  
\- No, Dad  
\- Sam?  
\- No Dad, I did know call the actual President about my high school speech….  
\- He wanted to come you know that?  
\- Yeah  
\- He sent you a note, and a present. Ainsley says hi and congratulations.  
\- That´s so nice  
\- But you were saying, you are confident about this speech?  
\- Yes I am  
\- You worked hard on it  
\- I did Dad  
\- I sense there´s something you are not telling me…  
\- I asked Toby to read it  
Josh freezes. Toby. He should have guessed it was Toby.  
\- You asked Toby to read your speech?  
\- I did.  
\- And wait… he changed every word you wrote?  
\- No  
\- He had a full load of comments and pessimism to share with you, my only daughter…  
\- No , Dad. He was great, really  
\- Nah… see? Now I know you are lying. Toby is never great, he´s never optimistic or colourful or i don´t know… a person?  
\- Dad. Stop it. I asked him, he was great, he is my god father, he named me, he held me in my Simjat Bat and you and Mom love him. He´s a smart man, he raised a great boy and a great girl, who is my best friend, by the way. He´s a respected college teacher and the best writer you´ve ever known  
\- That´s Sam who thinks that…  
\- You do too, Dad.  
\- I do.  
\- So I asked the best writer I know to bullet proof my speech. And I passed the test. So I´d say we are on the safe zone, Sir.  
He stares at her for a short while. How can he be even more proud of her? My God, this young woman. A beautiful soul, inteligent, caring, a good friend. And her whole life ahead of her.  
She stares at him back, waiting. Giving his amazing Dad a brief moment to let this… everything sink in.  
\- Congratulations, kid. I´m so proud. I couldn´t be prouder  
\- There you go, Dad.  
\- Even if I tried  
\- Zip it  
\- Really  
\- Really  
He huggs her and kisses her hair. Thank God she isn´t taller than him. When did all this happen? She was five a couple of days ago, and learning how to ride a bike.  
\- Wanna get a hamburger?  
\- It´s 3 in the afternoon, Dad  
\- You have a better idea?  
She stops for a minute, but she can´t think of anything better than a burned hamburguer with her Dad.  
\- I know a place. They burn them to submission  
\- That´s my girl!  
\- Let me call Mom, and let her know.  
\- My detail is right there  
\- Oh God…  
\- Hey… I hate it as much as you do… but c´est la vie  
\- I know. Hey, what´s with all this grey hair?  
\- It´s called age, Lily. I´m aging. I´m wiser, I´m old and marvellous.  
\- You are… quite something.  
They did good.  
He and Donna had done good.


	2. A new life

\- Good burger  
\- I know how to pick´em  
\- Really good burger…  
\- Learnt from the best  
\- I think that when you were seven or eight, your mom and I took you to a dinner in Bethesda, and you were very particular about your order, and you said “i want it burned, hockey pad burnt”, and your mom gave me a look… oh my god, i was so proud of you, and your mom was appalled on your nerve, I mean…– he laughed  
\- That´s funny  
They ate in silence for a while  
\- And your mom used to take my fries too. C´mon!!! Order your own!  
\- Hey, Dad… we are sharing, we are bonding… when was the last time we ate a meal together?  
\- Oh… playing the guilt card, nice….  
\- No no no, no guilt Dad. Just stating the facts, you know…  
\- I run a country for a living, kid  
She laughed hard, and he joined her. These moments were precious. There hadn´t been any in the last months, with the job and all. With the chaos of all. They were all trying to make the world a better place, and the price was huge sometimes. This moment, right here, made it very clear. A different job, there would have been a different reality. Everyday with this beautiful young woman. Coming of age, valedictorian, going to Yale.  
\- So what´s the big plan for today, tomorrow? You want to do something with your old man?  
\- I don´t know Dad, i have nothing planned for tonight…  
\- We can maybe grab a movie, have dinner some place nice…  
\- What am i? your date?  
\- I don´t know honey, really, i just want to be with you…  
\- Maybe you want to come home? Have dinner? With mom?  
\- Oh, honey, I don´t know…  
\- What? You can´t have dinner with her?  
\- Yes… of course I can, I´d love to… I don´t want to intrude… it´s her house  
\- It´s our house, Dad. I´m sure she´ll be fine  
\- I don´t know kid  
\- Hey.. you´ll see her tomorrow anyway right?  
\- Yeah… with lots of people around…  
\- She doesn´t hate you  
\- I know  
\- Really  
\- She doesn´t like me too much  
\- Well… that…  
\- She´s right, though  
\- Dad…  
\- Talk to her. If she is OK, i´m OK  
\- Allright  
They ordered a dessert to share  
\- You have a dress for Prom?  
\- Yes I do  
\- What colour is it?  
\- It´s dark blue.  
\- Nice…  
\- Yeah… - she hesitated – I didn´t want to go to Prom. But Mom insisted it was an appropiate right of passage experience…  
\- Well… I don´t know about that. You know what they say about proms and rights of passage ….  
\- Dad…  
\- I think it´s time for “the talk”, Kid  
\- Mom beat you to it  
\- Yeah, I figured.  
\- No need to talk  
\- So you know about the birds and the bees? You have the whole dinamic of the thing?  
\- Dad!!!  
\- Wow… don´t snap at me!  
\- Mom explained everything a while ago. I know everything I need to know.  
\- Good  
He waited for a few seconds.  
\- So… this prom thing… who´s taking you?  
\- “taking” me?  
\- Yeah… who´s renting the limo, the flowers…  
\- No one´s taking me  
\- You are going alone?  
\- No… i´m going WITH someone  
\- Ah… technicalities…  
\- No technicality… I am going with someone  
\- Is this someone a girl?  
\- No  
\- It´s a boy?  
\- Yes  
\- Then someone´s taking you  
\- That´s not it… it´s not like that at all... you see…  
\- Kid… look… a boy is taking you to prom. He´ll take a picture with you, maybe dance with you, maybe even kiss you at the end of the night, it´s something I started processing when we learnt at the sonogram you were a girl. It´s taken a lot of time, but I´m fine with it now, you are a girl, and that´s that.  
\- Dad… calm down OK? And I´m not a girl. I´m a woman  
\- You´re a “Young” woman  
\- Whatever… i´m a woman, i´m the valedictorian, i graduated, i´ve been very responsable and I´m going to Yale. I think I´m OK with Prom  
\- Honey… guys are always guys… trust me with this. Guys at 17, they´re only thinking about … you know… and Prom is a BIG deal… no matter how Smart and prepared you are…  
\- That´s why I´m not going with a 17 year old  
\- You are going with someone… younger…?  
\- No  
\- Spill. Now.  
She took a deep breath  
\- Huck is coming with me  
\- Huck Ziegler is taking you?  
\- No…. He´s coming with me. I asked him  
\- And he said yes?  
\- Yes… why? Is that so crazy?  
\- Of course it is…. He´s in college!!  
\- So what?  
\- So what? He´s your cousin  
\- He is not my cousin  
\- You grew up together!  
\- Well… yes… i will be safe with him  
\- Well.. yes… but he is older!  
\- Yes… he´s a good guy  
\- He IS a good guy… but he´s older  
\- You are older than mom  
\- We are not married anymore, Kid  
\- You never were  
\- You like Huck?  
\- No  
\- You like Huck  
\- I don´t know… maybe… i don´t know  
\- You like Huck  
\- I… think…. I kind of do, yeah  
\- Does he know?  
\- I haven´t told him  
\- And what do you think?  
\- You are asking me if I think he likes me?  
\- You just know if someone likes you…  
\- I really don´t know Dad. I think I like him. A lot.  
He snorted. God this kid of his... just like his dad… this, this didn´t make him proud  
\- Look… liking someone, that´s huge… and if he likes you back.. that´s gigantic. I think Huck is a great guy. I think he will respect you, he will challenge you. You´ll be bored to death, he´s the living image of his father… you know…  
\- Dad…  
\- No seriously. If you like him and he´s a good guy… which he IS… what more can I say? But if you like him, you have to tell him  
\- Dad… he´s older, he´s in collage… he´s taking his little cousin to Prom as a favor  
\- Maybe. But maybe he´s not. Maybe he likes you too. Guys don´t always have it in them to talk about feelings  
\- Yeah… mom said that  
\- Yeah, she knows what she is talking about. Is he dating someone?  
\- No. He just writes, and thinks, and argues all the time…  
\- Right… he´s mayoring in literature right?  
\- And philosophy. We talk every day on the phone, or video calls…  
\- Oh my God… he totally likes you…  
\- What?  
\- Lily… come on… a guy in collage is talking to you, everyday on the phone, instead of getting wasted in a frat party and ditching classes?  
\- Dad  
\- Trust me ok? He totally likes you.  
\- He´s Huck. He´s a nerd  
\- Yeah… but you love the nerd right?  
\- Love is a big word  
\- Hey… i´m just proud you asked him to Prom  
\- Yeah, i´m super cool  
\- Totally cool  
They finished their dessert, sharing small moments of their everyday life… those moments they missed because they lived far apart from eachother…  
\- I´ll call mom right now about dinner, it´s that OK?  
\- Yeah… hey… please, don´t push her  
\- I won´t. It´ll be fine, Dad


	3. A new life

Donna had been fine with dinner with Josh.  
Of course she was. She was Lily´s Dad, she was graduating. Of course she was fine.  
7PM, the bell rang. God. Why was she so nervous?  
\- Hi  
\- Hi  
Josh stood ackward. She was not inviting him in. She just stood there. Not moving. Looking very nervous.  
\- I brought desert  
\- Oh, that´s great. Thanks.  
Josh stook by the door. This was getting really unconfortable.  
\- Hey Dad, you made it  
\- Hey Kid, i brought desert  
\- Nice…. What are you doing standing there? Come in would you?  
\- Ah… ok  
Josh took off his coat, not knowing what to do with it now. This evening is going to be very long at this rate.  
\- Oh my God, sorry, give me your coat, I´ll hang it in here. Do you want something to drink?  
\- I´ll have what you are having  
\- I´m having wine.  
\- Wine is fine.  
Lily stared at this image. The image of her parents playing totally cool but feeling incredible unconfortable. This was super weird.  
\- Dad, what´s going on?  
\- I haven´t seen her in a while  
\- Yeah… i know… but you talk to her right?  
\- Not really  
\- But…  
\- We text, we email. We don´t talk that much  
\- Ok… so?  
\- It´s weird  
\- Yes, Dad. Cool it, would you? Let´s go in the kitchen  
They joined Donna in the kitchen. Lily gave Josh a look… encouraging hm to speak up.  
\- So, what are we having?  
\- Lasagna  
\- Lasagna… awesome… Moss special?  
\- Moss Special  
\- That´s… awesome  
\- Glad you are happy about it – she handed him a glass of wine  
\- Thanks  
\- You´re welcome  
Ok, this was not ackward at all  
\- So, all set for tomorrow?  
\- Pretty much  
\- Are we coming here after or…?  
\- Yeah, we´ll come here, and have a small luncheon. Toby and Andie are coming, CJ and Danny are coming, Molly is coming of course, oh, and Huck is coming…  
\- Huck  
\- Yes  
\- Great – he added, sceptecally  
\- On that note – Lily added – i´m going to take a bath. Is it Ok if I´m ready in 15 minutes?  
\- Sure Honey, it´s fine  
Josh and Donna were left alone in the big kitchen. They drank their wine in silence, taking small sips of their glasses, stealing small glances of eachother.  
\- What´s with the hair?  
\- My hair?  
\- Yeah… what´s with the hair?  
\- It´s grey.  
\- It´s white  
\- It´s wisdom  
\- And aging  
\- Yeah… that too. I don´t know. Between the hair and the glasses I feel 120 years old  
\- Josh, you´re turning 60 this year. You´re fine.  
He sipped a Little bit a wine  
\- So… valedictorian?  
\- Yes… she wanted to tell you in person.  
\- Have yo read the speech?  
\- No… she said she talked to Toby about it  
\- Yes… he was great to her  
\- I can not believe that, honestelly  
\- Toby loves her, Josh  
\- I know but, writing is writing  
\- She must be a good writer then  
\- I bet she is.  
He looked at her in silence, a tight expresión in his mouth  
\- I guess we´d better get used to the Ziegler´s though, right? With this Huck business, and all  
\- Oh Josh… she´s 17! She´s not getting married…  
\- And he´s 30  
\- He´s 21  
\- He´s older And in college.  
\- Huck is a great guy, Josh  
\- I have no doubts. I´m just seriously concerned about only daughter going to prom with a 21 year old college boy, Donna  
\- Ok, hold your horses. This is Lily, we are talking about. And this is Huck. You´ve known both of them all their lives. You know his family, you know how and who raised him right? Molly is Lily´s best friend. And she is 21 too. She likes this guy, Josh. And really, I think Huck likes her too. He´s taking the weekend off to take her to prom, of all things and see her graduate and give her speech. I think it´s adorable. I think that if our daughter is going to prom, having Huck take her is the best possible scenario we can process right now.  
\- Does Toby know?  
\- I have no idea  
\- Sam is gonna flip  
\- Yeah – she laughed – Abby was over the moon. She said it was meant to be, the second generation getting together  
\- God… I can´tt believe she´s dating already  
\- Oh… she dated allright.  
\- Oh God… I think i´ll need more wine…  
\- Lots of things happen in here while you run a country, Joshua…  
He froze, and she cringed. She hadn´t called him Joshua in so long. It was their Little secret. Joshua and Donatella. It was painfull, still. Of course life went on. He was running a country. She was raising their daughter here, in California. They´d drifted apart. He always made an effort for Lily, to be his Dad, but still, the Little things … the everyday things went missing.  
Donna noticed his expression.  
\- So, what have you been up to? Anything juicy in DC?  
\- Juicy? What are you? 12?  
\- You know what I mean  
\- Hardly, ever Donna…  
\- Gossips?  
\- No Gossips. Ainsley is doing great as a First Lady. She gave us a couple of headaches at first but I must say that for a Republican first lady and a Democratic President, it was a great Discovery… lots of policies have gone through with her help. Everybody just loves her.  
\- She´s great. She´s Smart, and charming. She´s a great first lady, I must say  
\- She´s no Helen Santos though…  
\- Of course not. Carol is no Donna Moss  
\- Carol is great, you know.  
\- She´s no Donna Moss  
\- No, she is not.  
He looked at her lovingly. She´d come so far. She´d gotten her college degree after Lily was born. She joined CJ´s consulting firm in California, and was now a partner there. She looked tired, but very much determined as always.  
\- How´s CJ?  
\- You talk to CJ all the time…  
\- Yeah but how is she?  
\- She´s fine. We took some congressional candidates for the 40, 41 and 43rd district here. She doesn´t want to travel so much, Seth and Mike are in college now, Danny is more at home and she doesn´t want to miss it. So I´ll be travelling a Little bit for these campaigns, Lily will be out to college by then…  
\- Yeah… it´s a good idea though  
\- Yeah… it´ll be good. I´m good with the whole plan  
\- Good candidates?  
\- We´ll make them good.  
\- I´m sure you will  
She changed her attention to setting the table. Josh joined her in helping her, feeling so at home in this house, the house that had been his for a decade.  
\- I´m really proud of her, Josh.  
\- I´m too  
Lily emerged from the staircase  
\- Hey I´m clean, I´m ready, I´m hungry…  
\- Let´s eat, then  
They started with the lasagna and salad. Laughing at school stories, and the whole Prom organizing debacle… White house fond memories, Gail, the fish, the ceiling coming down in Josh´s office, CJ not wearing pants afther the State of the Union. They laughed and laughed and time flew by. They shared dessert, and after that, the three of them loaded the dishwater.  
\- Ok, I think is time for me to go now. Big day tomorrow. Bye Kid, sleep tight. Tomorrow is your big day.  
\- Yeah Dad, thanks for coming again.  
\- Of course. Donna, thanks for dinner, thanks for letting me be here.  
\- You´re Lily´s Dad, Josh. You´re always welcomed  
\- Thanks, really  
She handed him his coat.  
\- Sleep tight. You must be tired.  
\- I´m beat  
\- I bet…. Joshua?  
\- Yeah?  
\- The hair… the glasess…it suits you  
And she closed the door


	4. A new life

A beautiful sunny day in California.  
Josh woke up early, and checked with the office. Nothing major… but then again, let´s not talk about it and jinx it.  
President Seaborn had promise to take everything from Josh´s plate  
“I´m doing it for Lily AND Donna, as well as you… I can not be there. It´s the least I can do”  
Josh had his detail take him to School. They promised to keep their distance and give him and Lily their privacy. They´d check the premises the day before and the Governor had provided local help as well.  
He noticed CJ and Danny in the distance and walked to meet them  
\- Hey Mi Amor…. So nice to see you! – she hugged her. He lifted her in the air and gave her a Little twirl  
\- Hey cowboy, let go of my wife! – Danny shouted  
\- Josh… my god, i haven´t hugged you in like… 2 years?  
\- Yeah…  
\- Damm, you´re hot!  
\- Ok – Josh said, ashamed  
\- CJ! – Danny warned her  
\- Honey, you were always gorgeus. He, on the other hand, is like a fine wine… age suits him  
\- Funny you should say that… - Josh said, recalling Donna´s comment from yesterday  
\- What´s with the hair, dude? – Danny said  
\- It´s age. And wisdom. And age mainly.  
\- How old are you?  
\- I will be a lot in October  
\- A lot?  
\- The big 6 – 0  
\- And what is President Seaborn organizing for this amazing milestone?  
\- Hopefully nothing…. The President keeps saying I´m middle aged but I really haven´t met anyone who is 120…  
\- Honey, you look good. Age suits you. You are a silver fox  
\- CJ, seriously – Danny warned her again. Josh laughed and looked to the floor. This whole conversation made him blush.  
\- Danny, calm down. Josh is like my brother My much older brother who I love and despise at the same time. I´ve loved him forever, except that time when he made my best friend cry. Other than that, he´s the best of all of us  
\- Let´s drop it, OK? – Josh said seeing Donna approaching time  
\- Hello everybody, thank you for being here  
CJ and Danny hugged Donna. Donna turned to Josh and waved him  
\- Hi  
\- Hi. You look good  
\- Thanks.  
\- Where´s Lily?  
\- Oh… she joined her friends. Oh look, Toby is here!  
Toby, Molly and Huck joined the Group of Friends  
\- Good morning everyone, good to see all of you. Hello Joshua  
\- Toby – Josh shook Toby´s hand  
\- Hi Molly – said Josh, hugging her – you´re so tall!  
\- Yeah… I´m all grown up  
\- Hi Huck, my favourite nephew .- said Josh shacking Huck´s hand. Huck looked at Josh questioning his comment  
\- He is not your nephew and I am not your niece  
\- It´s a matter of speaking  
\- Words are important – Huck said  
\- Indeed they are – said Josh  
\- What´s going on? – asked Toby, feeling totally left out.  
\- Nothing. Let´s take our seats everyone  
One by one, all graduates entered the pavillion. The took their seats. Lily, being the valedictorian, joined the “escenario” and gave her mom and dad a Little wave.  
They all waited patiently the speeches from the headmaster and the representative for teachers and elegates. And then, it was Lily´s turn.  
\- It´s my great honor to announce our 2019 Valedictorian. With an oustanding average and prolific record in extra curricular activities, she sure will make us proud next year as part of Yale alumni.  
Please join me in welcoming our graduate Miss Lily Lyman

They all stood up to welcome her and clap her. Everyone shouted and cheered her  
"Heamaster Phillips, proffesors, dear families and friends, fellow graduates.  
What a time to be alive. How priviliged to be here, together, as a comunity sharing this moment, this crutial moment in our lives. Today we go as adults into the world, full of tools and facts, dreams and motivation. We are ready. But we are not prepared. We will never be prepared. The world is changing every day, every second. We have tools for a world that we don´t know.  
We have a huge oportunity. We can make the world whatever we want. We can change what we want. We can be the change the world needs. We can make our paths. Now more than ever.  
We have learnt things that are no longer suitable for the future. We have to look for our own truth and the only way of getting there is through a comunity.  
We are a comunity, and we need to go forward as a comunity. If we stick together, and we help eachother we can get through anything.  
Comunities are filled with love. Love for our enviroment,, love for our schools, our Friends, our differences. Love for diversity, love for the disent. Love for our families, love for one another  
I am the proud daughter of two wonderful parents. My parents believe and work everyday for a better country and a better world. I´ve grown up in a home full of music, full of books and films, full of parks and sports, full of discussions and disent. Full of love.  
My Mom and Dad love me, and respect me. They challenge me as they´d challenged eachother for 20 years. They respect their differences and set an example for respect and resilience. Through friendship and trust, they built a family. Through friendship and trust, they loved eachother for 20 years. And they still do.  
I wish for myself and for all of you nothing more and nothing less than the extraordinary oportunity to find love… to build love… to search for love. True love is huge. I wish I get that for myself… i want to be open to it. With a partner, with a Project, with a community… true love is my biggest goal, and my biggest dream. I want to live to love. I grew up watching my mom and dad. I want that, forever. For everyone.  
Let´s all celebrate together this big day. For tomorrow, starts our work towards that dream  
Congratulations my Friends! We made it!"

Everyone stood up and cheered Lily, who took a bow. Cj, Danny, Donna wipping and clapping, shouting for Lily with pride. Huck with a big smile in his face, clapped prodly as Molly shouetd “you go girl” at the top of her lungs. Toby showed a hint of a small pride and looked down. This girl was quite something.  
Josh sat in his seat. Wipping, moved by his daughter´s words. How wise his daughter was, how elocuent and determined. Those words, filled with motivation and tru depth… written by a 17 year old woman, going into the world. He was so proud of her. So proud of her. Proud of Donna and him. Proud of everything they´ve built.  
In all these years, Josh had feared for Lily. He sometimes thought if the separation had been difficult for him. He knew he had made a great effort to be there for her, but living in DC, with her here in California had its consequences. But through all, Lily had grown up in love and understanding, laughter and adventures. 

Lily got her diploma and waved to her crowd. CJ and Danny snapped some pictures and Donna kept crying. She was so proud of her.


	5. A new life

Donna had set a family luncheon in the small backyard. The day was sunny and the house was decorated with fresh flowers and pink ballons. Donna had set a big sign that read “Congratulations Graduate” and a small book in which everyone could write a few words for the honoree as a souvenir. “What a great idea” – Josh thought and made a mental note to not forget to write something special for Lily.  
Lily, Huck and Molly arrived together at last, and everyone was already gathered in the backyard waiting for them. Andie had joined them there as well.  
\- Here she comes – whispered Donna  
\- Congratulations!!!! – everyone shouted.  
One by one, everyone approached her and hugged her. They took turns congratulating her for her speech, and how nice the gown looked. Josh glanzed in awe in the distance, taking in this special moment in his daughter´s life.  
At last, when everyone had had their turn with Lily, she turned and noticed him in the back. She stared at him and started walking slowly in his direction. Josh smiled and waited for her with a glass in his hand. She narrowed her gaze...  
\- Dad… leave that glass on the table, would you?  
\- Done  
\- Now hug me.  
He started laughing hard and hugged her daughter tenderly.  
\- Now you say "congratulations"  
\- I wanted to say something more meaningfull, to convey all the emotions I have inside but nothing seems to come up  
Lily grabbed Josh by his shoulders  
\- Oh God… what am I going to do with you, my emotional constipated father?  
\- Hey, that´s too much…  
\- I wouldn´t say that…  
\- Lily… seriously…  
\- I know Dad, really. Thank you so much for being here.  
And with that, she left him there. Josh took the glass again and felt empty. He wondered if this is how watching your children come of age felt like. Like leaving the nest… or empty nest or whatever they were calling it this days. She no longer needed him. He´d heard that speech. She knew what was coming. Well… not exactly what was coming but she knew that life was no piece of cake. And she knew exactly what she wanted out of it. She wanted love.  
\- Joshua  
\- Claudia Jean  
\- So… your daughter... quite the politian is she?… of all things that are holly  
\- No, she is not  
\- I mean… she has you as a father. And Donna as a mother. God knows she watched debates before Mickey Mouse.  
\- Well yes…  
\- She attended a Democratic Convention before Disneyland. And she lives in California, Josh…  
\- Your point being? –  
\- My point being… I´ll make a hell of a congresswoman out of her…. Bartlet´s legacy… I can already see it  
\- Claudia, i´ll beat the crap out you…you know, I think I could take you… if I try really really hard  
\- I´m taller. I go to the gym, Joshua. You´re done.  
\- I know… but please, please, please don´t you start getting any ideas in her head, I beg of you  
\- Josh… the girl is 17. Did you listen to her? Do you think anyone is getting inside that head of hers just like that? Her Dad is a Yale and Harvard lawyer who served almost 8 years as Deputy COS for President Bartlet, almost 10 years as COS for two democratic Presidents, got three presidents elected and has been the mind of the democratic party for more than 20 years. Her Mom is, well… Donna Moss, need I say more? Her god mother was COS for two years, her godfather is Toby Ziegler. Her grandfather is President Bartlet. She had sleepovers at the White House when she was 4. Joshua…. Really?  
\- Well… when you put it that way  
\- Seriously…  
\- Seriously…  
\- And I´m not even mentioning that she may or may not be dating a Young Ziegler, if you know what I mean  
\- CJ!  
\- Hey … girls talk. Don´t mess with the sisterhood.  
\- I don´t know. If she wants to get into politics, i´ll support her, of course. But I really wish she didn´t  
\- Is it so terrible?  
\- CJ… you are a happy woman now, but you have to remember the never ending nights. The amount of dates not being enjoyed… the sheer amount of vacations not being taken…  
\- Well yeah… but what about family? Friends? Changing the world? We found all of it in politics. We did some pretty great things there for a while  
\- Yeah… but sometimes it gets too hard, you know?  
\- Yeah… but you knew that all along, didn´t you? And you chose it again  
\- I had no choice  
\- You always have a choice.  
\- It´s not that easy, Cj  
\- I know it isn´t. I said no to you. And I got Danny. And the kids.  
\- If you think I don´t miss it everyday…  
CJ turned and stared at Josh  
\- What are you saying?  
\- Nothing CJ… forget it. This day is getting to me, that´s all.  
\- Josh…  
\- CJ, really… it´s nothing  
CJ turned towards a table and grabbed a glass, she poured some juice in it. She hesitated for a while and came back to Josh.  
\- You know… if you miss it… - they both glanzed at Lily. And Donna, who was chatting with Andie – you should do something about it  
\- Lily told me I was emotionally constipated  
\- Ha! That girl will be the death of me, really. She cracks me up  
\- Yeah… super funny  
\- You ARE emotionally constipated. But you weren´t for a while. That´s what politics does to you. But you know you can get past it. You did it once.  
\- It took me eight years. And I had help… she set the pace and left the breadcrumps…  
\- Yeah but you see… a man falls into a hole…  
Josh stared at CJ intenselly  
\- Oh My God… where did you get that?  
\- Leo  
\- He told me that too!  
\- So you get what I´m saying right? You were there, in that hole, and you came out. You are in it again. You know your way out, right? A man falls in a hole… you see?  
Josh swallowed a lump. Yes, yes he knew.


	6. A new life

Everyone left so that Lily could rest a Little bit and prepare for the Prom. Josh stayed behind to help Donna tidy everything up. He wanted to see Lily off to the Prom anyway so it only made sense.  
At 6:50 PM Lily emerged into the living where Josh was collecting the last set of glasses from the launcheon. She was so beautiful. Her dress was stuning yet simple.Her hair was curled down. Almost no make up but she was glowing. Really glowing.  
\- Dad…  
\- Oh my God Lily, you look amazing!  
\- Dad… - she said, blushing  
Donna heard Lily and Josh from the kitchen and came running wearing an apron and her hands covered in detergent.  
\- Oh Lily…. – Donna whispered, wipping  
\- Mom… not you too  
\- You are so beautiful. That dress just completes your “beautifullness”.  
\- Mom, i don´t think that´s even a word.  
\- Yes it is  
\- No, it isn´t – Josh said  
\- You know what I mean  
\- Hardly ever, Donna  
\- Shut it, 760 verbal  
The bell rang.  
\- That must be Huck, I´ll get the door  
\- God… Huck… - said Josh through greeted teeth  
\- Josh… cut it out  
Lily opened the door.  
\- Hi  
\- Hello Lily, you look mesmerizing  
\- Oh, you are so sweet Huck, thanks  
\- Mesmerazing is a Word? – Donna hushed Josh  
\- Yeah… Hello again Huck – Josh shook Huck´s hand  
\- Hello….mmmm… Josh?  
\- Yeah… You don´t “Mr Lyman” me ever, is that clear?  
\- Yeah  
\- Ok, let´s take a picture  
Donna grabbed her phone while Lily and Huck took their places  
\- Wait wait… - exclaimed Josh – no corsage?  
\- No, we are not doing corsage –Lily said  
\- Why not?  
\- I don´t like it  
\- Ok… we are not doing corsages then.  
\- We are doing something else – Huck added  
\- What?  
\- Lily, I know you don´t like corsages, but I brought something for you, you don´t have to wear it if you don´t like it but…  
\- Huck? You didn´t have to buy anything…  
\- I didn´t buy anything… maybe I should have..  
\- Huck…  
\- This a bracelet my Dad got my mom on a vacation to New Orleans. It´s not worth a lot but she loves it. It reminds her of a happy time. A couple of years ago, when I left for college, my Mom gave it to me. She said I needed something to remind me of the better and happier times. With Molly… well it´s easy, she´s the happy one, and she´s a woman… but she had a hard time picking what to give me… and she gave me this… and she said that everytime she saw it … it reminded her of her and my Dad, and a happy time. She said she didn´t need a reminder anymore… because Molly and me had given her so many memories… she was full of happy times. So what I´m saying….  
\- You are full of happy times and you don´t need this anymore?  
\- No – he laughed – far from it. But I guess… you are my happy place now…  
And with that, he placed the bracelet in her right hand. Lily looked at it, in awe.  
\- Huck… - she whispered  
\- It´s… Let´s take the picture ok?  
\- Ok  
Donna and Josh stood still, watching this scene, so intimate and yet so pure and simple  
\- Guys? – Lily said  
\- Yeap, OK… let´s do this… smile! Perfect!  
\- Ok, you are all set?  
\- Yes, Mom  
\- What about your shoes?  
\- Converse – she said, lifting her dress  
\- Smart kid. Ok, have fun. Be careful  
\- I´ll bring her back in one piece  
\- Good. You too Huck, have fun tonight…  
And with that, they left. No limo, no corsages. No doors opened, no hand holding. Lots of love, though. Lots of promise.  
Donna and Josh watch them leave the house. Donna looked at Josh, through the corner of he reyes  
\- Do you want to have something to eat? Maybe some leftovers  
\- I want pie – he exhaled loudly  
\- Pie, we have. Follow me.  
Donna cut a piece of pie, poured a couple of wine and grabbed two spoons  
\- Donna, cut yourself a piece, would you?  
\- I don´t want any…  
\- Donna… there are two spoons here. Is my imaginary friend eating pie too?  
\- Well.. no… but…  
\- Donna… are you eating my pie?  
\- Well technically, is my pie… i only offered you a piece…  
Josh snarcked.  
\- When are you leaving?  
\- Tomorrow afternoon  
\- Ok. Are you coming to New Haven?  
\- Yeah  
\- Will you be able to?  
\- I´ll make time, Donna  
\- Good  
Donna took one of the spoons and grabbed a bite.  
\- You should take Lily to lunch tomorrow. The two of you. You can give her your gift then  
\- After that bracelet? I´m forgeatable  
\- You are her Dad, Josh  
\- He´s a guy, Donna.  
\- “A” being the magic word. You are “the” guy.  
\- She´s growing up  
\- She´s grown up, Josh. But she´ll always need her parents. Don´t you need your Dad?  
\- Everyday  
\- That´s our role now.  
\- Yeah. I don´t like it  
\- I don´t either.  
\- It is what it is  
\- Yeap  
\- Guess our lives are changing too  
\- Yes…  
\- You´ll have plenty of time now  
\- Yes. You, on the contrary, won´t  
\- I never have time. I make time.  
\- Yes, you do.  
\- I´ll make time  
\- For what? You´ll start painting? Dancing?  
\- Dancing, no need. I´m an excellent dancer  
\- That´s debatable  
\- I´m out of practice, Donna. I´m a good dancer  
\- That´s debatable.  
\- You and me. Dancing. Right now. You´ll see.  
Donna froze. She stared at him, full of question.  
Josh swallow a lump.  
\- I should go  
\- Yeah  
\- My detail is outside.  
\- Yeah, I took them some sandwiches earlier  
\- Once a Mom, always a Mom right?  
\- I did that for you too. And i was not a mother then.  
\- Right  
Donna joined Josh by the door. Josh turned around  
\- I´ll call Lily tomorrow morning. You text me when she´s back tonight  
\- Will do  
Josh looked at her.  
\- Donna, thank you. For today, for all these years. You´ve done a remarkable job with her and well… I love being a Dad to Lily, and I love that you are her Mom  
\- You´re a great Dad, Josh.  
After a small silence, Josh grabbed her hand and squized it.  
\- Take care, Donna  
\- Yeah  
Donna closed the door.


	7. A new life

Josh met Lily the next day for brunch, before leaving to the airport  
\- Dad I could have gone with you to the airport  
\- Nah… what´s my detail for?  
\- To take care of you Dad, not to be your chofer. Are you having waffles? I´m so craving waffles  
\- I think so  
\- Good, I´ll have the omelette then  
\- What is with this maniac tendency the women in the Moss Dinasty have for my food? Really… it´s beyond my comprehension  
\- You should give up then and just let it be  
Josh waited for the food to arrive, paying special attention to place his plate, right in the middle, just to make Lily´s life easier…  
\- So how was prom?  
\- Prom was good – Lily answeared while chewing  
\- Details would kill you?  
\- Well… the food was great. There was pretty much no drinking  
\- Yeah, right  
\- No, really.  
\- A band?  
\- A band… yeah. Decor was fine. Professor Connors was there which was good for Huck I must say…  
\- Connors is…  
\- Professor in Physics  
\- And that´s interesting for Huck because…?  
\- Because he sees physics as a life long partner for philosophy  
\- Ah….  
\- Yes  
\- So you guys talked with your Professor the whole night?  
\- Well… pretty much  
\- Oh my God you both are such nerds  
\- Well… yeah.  
\- Did you dance?  
\- Dad…  
\- Did you?  
\- Yes  
\- Is Huck a good dancer?  
\- Surprisingly…. Yes  
\- Nice  
\- Dad… please  
\- Did he Kiss you?  
\- Dad… please… boundaries  
\- Hey! We are bonding!  
\- We are bonding but please no "yiky" details  
\- All Right, all right ... i´ll back off  
Josh continued with his waffles, and Lily looked at him, second guessing himself  
\- I think… - and she froze  
\- I think...?  
\- We are dating  
\- You are dating him?  
\- Sort of?  
\- Sort of?  
\- No… no sort of. We are dating  
\- Ok  
\- What do I do now?  
\- Honey… really… what?  
\- It´s … I don´t know Dad… just… I don´t know how to do this  
\- Honey… nobody knows how to do this. Trust me. Do you like him?  
\- Yes  
\- Is he good to you?  
\- Yes  
\- Do you have fun?  
\- Yes  
\- Does he respect you? Does he listen to you?  
\- Yes  
\- You have good columns Kid… keep building.  
\- He´s … he´s pretty amazing. I love taliking to him  
\- Look… talking is one of the joys of life. Don´t let anyone tell you otherwise. There´s nothing more challenging than a good conversation. There´s nothing more soothing than a good conversation  
\- Mom says you love talking  
\- Mom loves talking too. We´ve talked a lot. I guess we are all talked out  
\- Yeah…. Mom said you may be coming to New Haven  
\- I will be coming to New Haven  
\- If you can´t make it, that´s OK  
\- I´ll do more than my best. Look… here… I brought you... something  
And with that, Josh took a small envelope from his jacket and handed it to Lily  
\- Happy graduation, Lily  
Lily opened the envelope, and took a voucher and stared at it in awe  
\- Look: I know i´m a busy man, and I don´t have the luxury of managing my own time, my own free time that is. But I value free time. And free time, relaxed time before a big step is like a wonderful jacuzzi with lots of bubbles. When Leo died and Mom and I won the election, we went away for a week during transition. And we flew to Hawai. Mom had wanted to go forever, and we just... went. And we had an amazing time, and we slept a lot, and we danced and drank and we had such a great week. And we came back and Mom got her job as COS and I got my job as COS and... what I´m saying is that but I know I DO go back to that week whenever i´m stressed out. I would so so so love to go back there for real... But I can´t. So in that envelope, you´ll find two tickets and a whole week, all paid for, in Hawai. It´s the same hotel where Mom and I stayed. You´ll love it.  
\- Two tickets?  
\- It´s for you and Mom, smart ass…I´m a cool Dad, i´m not that cool…. You think I´ll send you to Hawai with your boyfriend… all payed out? Are you out of your mind?  
\- Did you ask Mom?  
\- No… I asked CJ… she blocked her agenda. I know you have a few weeks before New Haven.  
\- Dad… this is amazing… Really… thank you so so much – she stood up and hug him  
\- No, thank you Lily. Really. I´m proud of you.  
\- I know Dad.  
\- I mean it  
\- I know Dad. I love you.  
\- I …. Kid… I couldn´t love you more.  
Later that afternoon, Josh sat in the airport, killing time before departure. He felt his cell vibrate, with a text message 

“Thanks. So much.”

“It really was the best week, Donna.”


	8. A new life

The summer came and went. Time flies in the White House, it really does. But at the same time every day you are left with the sense that you did nothing right, that what your dreams and aspirations were when you made up your mind about getting into politics are getting smaller and smaller with each passing day.  
One cloudy Monday, a rather and rarely slow one at the White House, Josh found himself with President Seaborn, sitting outside the corridor of the Oval Office  
\- We are done?  
\- We are done, Sir  
\- We are really done?  
\- Yes, Sir  
\- Wow… i think I´d better go to the residence, then. Ainsley will be thrilled. What are you up to?  
\- Nothing really. I may go home, and catch up on some reading. I have to get ready for Friday too.  
\- Right… Yale… wow!  
\- Yeah… it´s finally here  
\- Is she excited?  
\- I think so. She´s terrified though  
\- Smart Kid…she should be terrified  
\- She´ll be great. We made it through college and we are way dumber…. Respectfully though, Sir  
\- Josh.. of course she´s smarter. If you are dead set on that reading, that´s fine with me, but if you are up to, we could grab a beer  
\- All right, Sir  
They slowly walked along the corridor towards the residence  
\- Josh, if we are indeed grabbing this beer… do you think you can call me Sam?  
\- Well… you are the President.  
\- Maybe for the next hour or so, we´ll put it on hold? I am the President, but please let me be Sam for someone other than Ainsley?  
\- Ok, Sam  
\- Ok Josh  
The sat in the kitchen. Sam served some peanuts, and Josh grabbed two beers from the kitchen  
\- You never told me about Donna  
\- Oh… Donna is great. She´s working to get some candidates elected in California, for the midterms. She´s taking more hours now, with Lily in college. And the partnership with CJ is going well, so… I think she´s fine, I mean, she´s doing great  
\- Right. So you guys talked a lot during those few days  
\- Well… yeah a Little bit. I mostly talked to CJ…  
\- Oh  
\- We talked about Lily a lot. With Donna, I mean. Did I tell you she´s dating Huck?  
\- Huck Ziegler?  
\- Yeah  
\- Oh that´s great. How old is he?  
\- He´s 21. She´ll be 18 in 2 days.  
\- Well… they practically grew up together. It was bound to happen sometime right?  
\- No.  
\- Josh… she´s 18, she´s dating. Would you rather have her date some other fellow you know nothing about? Huck is a great kid.  
\- It´s not that Sam…. Is… I mean you´ll understand it when Mia starts dating. And not just “go have a icecream” dating. I mean dating, dating  
\- You mean sex?  
\- No! God!.. well… yes, sex. Sex and commitment. And getting your heart broken. And getting it right  
\- Josh… it took you almost 10 years. And you were in your forties. She won´t marry Huck Ziegler. It´s her first love.  
\- I married my first love  
\- I didn´t. Chances are she won´t marry him. She´s 18.  
\- You should listen to her talking about him. You should read her emails. She´s really into this guy.  
\- Ok… and what´s wrong with that?  
\- She´s 18 and she´s in love. She is really in love. He maybe the one.  
\- And so?  
\- She´ll be missing out on so many things…  
\- Josh, it´s love. Missing out on what exactly?  
\- Living  
\- You and Donna got together after quite a while right? And you had it good for a long time after that right?  
\- Right  
\- Wouldn´t you have started at 18 if you knew then? Wouldn´t you have chosen that?  
\- Well… I guess  
\- Let her be. If she gets her heart broken, she gets her heart broken.. She´s just living her life.  
Josh ended his beer in a long take.  
\- Want another one?  
\- OK  
\- So Donna is fine then?  
\- Donna is great, yes  
\- And is she dating someone?  
\- Honestly… I don´t know.  
\- You could ask CJ  
\- It´s not my place anymore, Sam  
\- You could ask her anyway  
\- I could… but I really don´t want to know, Sam  
\- Why?  
\- If she´s dating someone, I really don´t want to picture her sleeping with a republican, because of course he is a republican. no offense.  
If she´s not, it will eat my brain up and I won´t be able to serve…  
\- Do you think she dated someone? Sometime?  
\- I don´t know. I know I dated.  
\- Yeah… far fetched definition of "dating" you have  
\- Well… nothing serious… i had some dinners… and some coffees  
\- Some sleepovers?  
\- Not that many  
\- Believe me, I know. I can tell. So maybe she did the same.  
Josh sighted loudly.  
\- A line of never ending… gomers… it´s just something i really don´t need to know. I mean … of course she´s dating…she´s gorgeus, aging suits her, really… and she´s smart, and funny… oh my God she´s so funny. And she can cook… I mean, it´s out of this world… and she loves talking. She posseses this amazing amount of data that no one, I mean, no one in the world could recolect. She´s prepared for any conversation and if she doesn´t know something about it, she´ll be genually interested, and listen and learn. She´s … quite something…  
\- Josh… Do you ever wonder? What would have happened if you´d said no to me?  
\- Ha  
\- Really… do you think about it?  
\- All the time  
\- Do you regret it?  
\- Sometimes. But I did what I had to do, Sam. The President was asking me to serve.  
\- You had already served Josh. Twice.  
\- It´s different Sam. You´re my brother.  
\- I know Josh. And I want you to know that I understand what you left behind. What this decision costed you. And I appreciate it and I will be forever thankfull.  
\- Sam… you dropped your life twice for me.  
\- You gave me my passion, Josh. Passion for politics, for this Country, and its people.  
\- You are a great friend Sam. And I´m proud to serve for you, with you.  
\- Josh… i´ve been wondering …  
\- Yeah, Sir?  
\- I guess I´m back to Sir  
\- It sounded like a “Sir” conversation  
\- It is. I´ve been wondering… if you are doing this out of duty, or out of passion  
\- I wonder it too sometimes, Sir. But this is my country, and I serve at the pleasure of the President  
\- You know, Josh. You´ve said “serve” almost five times during this conversation. I think have my answer  
\- Sam… I don´t know what else to do. This is what I do. I do politics. I´m a democrat, and you are my brother and my President.  
\- Josh… I don´t need you anymore  
\- Sam…  
\- Josh… I´m set. We´re set. We have a great team, you set a great team for me. I trust them, I know them. I´m telling you, I´m fine.  
\- Sam… it´s not that easy  
\- Don´t do it for me. I asked you once, and I did it because I needed you. But you are turning 60 in 3 months. I´m telling you… you can move on.  
Josh stared at Sam, contemplating what he said. He could live a different life.  
\- Josh, think about it. Take your time. But please, really. Think about it. Talk with Donna. Ok… now I´m really done. I´ll go meet Ainsley, and have a shower and maybe… maybe… I´ll have a date with my wife  
Josh chucked under his breath  
\- Goodnight Josh  
\- Goodnight Sir


	9. A new life

Josh made it to Yale. Oh, yes he did. He was actually proud of himself. He had commited, and he had been up to the task. Good boy, Josh. Mind you… Josh took 10 or 12 phone calls during the whole move… but still. He made it. Lily was thrilled, and it was so good to see her off, to this new chapter in her life.

Once the move was done, Donna, Josh and Lily grabbed a hamburguer at a dinner near by.  
“You should start scouting for burnt burgers STAT” – Josh had said. And they took on that suggestion, just like old times.

Donna and Josh hugged Lily and said their goodbyes. The sun was setting and Lily was about to have her first official night out of her home. Donna and Lily teared up a bit at the last hug, and although Josh tried to remain strong and manly when Lily said “see you, Daddy”, he just lost it. At the end, Donna had to drag him away of Lily, so that he didn´t make a scene.

Josh and Donna stood together, gazing at Lily waving goodbye, while she entered the campus.

\- What time does your plane leave?  
\- Eight o´clock  
\- Want a ride? I´m with my detail here.  
\- Ok, I guess

It was a small ride to the airport. Josh was flying commercial with a small two men detail for protection. Donna was going back to California to kick off all the Midterm campaings

The ride to the airport was pretty quiet, they made small talk, and exchanged film recomendations. Well… Donna mostly did, anyway. Josh just listened to her. 

\- Do you maybe want to have a cup of coffee or something?  
\- Josh... i don´t know… i mean…  
\- When does your flight leave?  
\- In a couple of hours...  
\- Have a coffee with me. We just left our daughter in College. We can have a coffee,,,  
\- Josh…we´ve talking in the car  
\- Donna come on... it s just coffee  
\- All right 

They found a table in a Coffee Bar near by. 

\- So I think she ´ll be fine. I mean… the roomate seemed decent right?  
\- Yeah  
\- I mean... first year is tough but I think she is ready  
\- She is. And Huck is there  
\- Right. Right.  
\- I´m just saying it´s nice to know that someone is there for her  
\- Well...yeah but still...I would want her to make new Friends… talk to people.  
\- She´s fine Josh… she will be fine  
\- The dorm seemed allright to you? Maybe some more lighting or something? Maybe make it homelly... i don´t know  
\- Josh... why am i here?  
\- Just catching up Donna. Our daughter is in Yale  
\- Josh. Why am I here?

He inhaled loudly. And looked to his right.

\- I...  
\- Josh… what?  
\- I don´t know how to say this  
\- Are you ok? Are you sick?  
\- No Donna. I´m fine.  
\- You don´t look fine  
\- Yeah yeah yeah it´s not that  
\- Then what is it? Are you in trouble?  
\- No Donna… really.  
\- Well?  
\- Ok... i´m leaving the White House  
\- What?  
\- I´m stepping down. I´m leaving the White House  
\- What? When?  
\- Well... as soon as we get a replacement.but soon.  
\- You are leaving President... you are leaving Sam?  
\- I'm stepping down Donna  
\- Why?  
\- I'm done  
\- Done with Sam?  
\- I'm done with politics  
\- No, you are not… It´s politics, Josh…  
\- Donna... i'm not having a stroke. I thought this through. Sam is fine with it.  
\- I don´t get it  
\- I´m done. I´m finally done. I am... finally.  
\- You are done?  
\- Yeah - he smiled – and the thing is… I was kind of hoping…  
\- Josh…don´t...  
\- Donna, please, just let me say this  
\- No  
\- What?  
\- No.  
\- Ok then ... i think... i don´t know what my next move is. But i'll be taking sometime off and see what's next for me.  
\- Right. Does Lily know?  
\- No. Sam knows and now you know.  
\- You...told me…? Why would you...?  
\- We have a couple of people lined up but most likely... Will Bailey... I mean, he's good... Sam trusts him...  
\- Yeah...  
\- Donna... what do you think?  
\- Josh…  
\- No, seriously... what do you think?  
\- I... i... i honestly and genually ... don't care  
\- What? Donna...  
\- No, seriously. I'm not a part of your life. I haven't been for a while now. You are not part of my life anymore. That's fine. Now Lily's is all set and... we are her parents and we do that great. I love that we are her parents. But that's it  
\- Donna… you can't possibly be saying that... you know me. You've been part of any decisions I´ve made for the last 20 years  
\- No, I haven´t  
\- Donna of course you have... you've helped me every step of the way. Every major decision i've made you've been part of  
\- No Josh. I haven't. I really haven´t. And that's fine. You made your choices and we were not part of your life anymore. No, that's not fair. You've always been a great dad, you were always there for Lily. But you moved on. And so did I..  
\- Donna…  
\- I don´t know you anymore Josh.  
\- Of course you do. I´m… Josh. Of course you know me  
\- That day… the day you decided to leave for DC... i didn't know you anymore. I used to think that you, of all people, would never, ever hurt me...  
\- Donna... i made a choice and i didn't do it to hurt you...  
\- I know Josh. I'm saying... i knew you before. I thought I did. But then I learnt… i didn't. And i 've moved on. I'm done. I'm done too.  
\- I think we need to stop talking for a minute and just take a breath  
\- They are calling my flight. Thanks... for the coffee  
\- Donna...please don't...  
\- Josh, it's fine, really. If this is what you want, i'm so happy for you. Trully. Anything else... and please don't take it the wrong way... it's just that... i really don't give a damm...

She stood up. Grabbed her tote bag and jacket

\- Have a safe flight. Please take care of yourself and give my love to Sam and Ainsley. And everyone at the White House  
\- Donna...  
\- and call Lily. And tell her. Soon please?  
\- I will. Donna?  
\- What Josh?  
\- Nothing.... have a nice flight...i'll talk to you later...  
\- What for? – she sighted


	10. A new life

\- She said she didn´t care  
\- No way  
\- I´m telling you… she didn´t care  
\- No way  
\- Why would I lie?  
\- I´m not saying you are lying, Josh. I´m telling you, no way  
\- I can´t do anything, anyway  
\- Josh, I´ve known Donna for over 20 years. This is so not Donna.  
\- You´ve never met angry Donna.  
\- Still..  
\- Deeply hurt Donna. Broken heart Donna. Devasted Donna  
\- Well… hold on there Romeo.  
\- I´m telling you. She´s angry. Either she´s angry or she´s really over it. Anyway there´s nothing I can do…  
\- Of course there is…  
\- No no no no no no  
\- For one, you can talk to her?  
\- She doesn´t want to talk to me  
\- Oh come on… just pick an excuse and call her  
\- What am I? A caracther in Dawson´s Creek?  
\- Still… why is it so important for you to get Donna´s take on this? Are you maybe thinking about going back with her?  
\- No, CJ, it´s just an important decision… my life maybe changing drastically. Of course I feel I need to tak it over with her… I always do that, it´s like something is missing if I don´t…  
\- Well…  
\- Don´t even start on that. She did too.  
\- She has a point, Josh.  
\- It was a lifetime ago.  
\- It was 4 years ago Josh. It´s raw.  
\- CJ…. I literally can´t understand why you, of all people, can not understand why I did what I did.  
\- I understand it Josh. I just don´t agree with you  
\- You can´t all hate me for this  
\- No one hates you. Everyone understands it. Even Donna. We just don´t agree with you.  
\- You think I´ve made a terrible decision  
\- You made a great decision for you. For the Country. For Sam. It was a terrible decision for Donna. And you made it yourself. She didn´t weight on it. And that´s why she felt left out, completelly blindsided and betrayed, and really… who can blame her? I mean, she had her whole life planned, she had a young daughter to bring up and a normal and simple life to live and enjoy with you and all of the sudden, you decided to put that beautiful dream on hold and go get burried in the White House, again, after having done so for 2 Presidents… and move your life to DC, you´d just bought a beautiful house here in California, nice weather, by the way, and a 20 year morgage, and ka-boom… honey, I was asked to serve, bye. You see?  
\- Hey CJ, i never asked you what was your take on my being Sam´s COS…  
\- I had a lot to say  
\- No kidding…  
\- Josh… you told her. You had a fight. You packed. You left.  
\- She wanted me out  
\- Maybe. But you dropped the ball. You left.  
\- Listen… I have to go  
\- Josh… hey, don´t do that.  
\- It´s OK Cj, i´m not mad. It´s just… I have a lot to think about.  
\- Allright. If you get home at a reasonable hour, call me?  
\- Time difference, CJ. I´ll talk to you tomorrow  
\- Ok. Love you, Don Quijote de la Mancha  
\- Bye Claudia Jean  
Later that night, in his office, Leo´s Office, Josh tried to concentrate on a memo. President Seaborn knocked the door, and came in  
\- Penny for your thoughts?  
\- Good evening, Sir  
\- Yale went OK?  
\- Yeah… it was great.  
\- Good. Anything pressing?  
\- No, just catching up with some Foreign Trade memos  
\- Right  
\- Look… Sir – he said, standing up – I wanted to run something by you, if you have time.  
\- Of course, Josh.  
\- I think it may be time for me to leave.  
Sam smiled.  
\- You do?  
\- Yes. I feel confident we have set a great team. A team that you trust and who are loyal to you. I can make myself available for any advise or consult yoy may need, of course. But I think that after almost two years this team is ready for a change with no harm on to you, or the Office  
\- And Donna is on board?  
\- Excuse me, Sir?  
\- Donna agrees?  
\- She doesn´t care.  
\- No way  
\- Sir  
\- No way Donna doesn´t care…  
\- Mr. President  
\- Josh… this is Donna… come on…  
\- Sir. Even so….this decision is totally mine. The other night when we talked… the idea started growing in my head…. And these days were amazing… - Josh choked a little bit  
\- Josh…  
\- Sam… It´s been a great honor to serve you. To serve with you. To see you grow. To be by your side dreaming and planning and executing great things for this Country. And I beleive in my heart that there are more things to come. You are set to great things. But I´m turning 60. My daughter is in College. I need to… I need to…  
\- Live?  
\- Yeah – he exhaled loudly  
\- Yeah  
\- I never wanted to be “the guy”. I wanted to be the guy “the guy” counts on.  
\- I get what you are saying  
\- I need to get my life back. You don´t need me anymore.  
\- Ok, Josh. I´ll miss you. Madly. But I´m happy for you.  
\- I´ve been thinking about Will Bailey.  
\- Yeah. I´ll ask him yo jump of a cliff  
\- Yeah – he laughed – he´ll be great for the next steps. Good night, Sir.  
\- Good night, Josh  
President Seaborn turned and made his way to the Oval Office.  
\- Josh… you don´t have to get your life back. You always had your life. You just want to live it differently. Those decisions… the ones that brought you here, to this momento, that is your life. You don´t have to get anything back… Own your decisions, they´re part of you.  
\- She says she doesn´t know me anymore  
\- She´s right. You can always let her know you again.  
\- What if she doesn´t want to?  
Sam shrugged.  
\- You have to try. Josh?  
\- Yeah?  
\- Thank you. It´s been my honor.


	11. A new life

\- Well…. Good morning Jane!  
\- Good morning Donna! Someone´s shinning today!  
\- It´s a bright morning, a sunny Monday, the week is staring, everything looks just promising and calm. I know it will last like 4 minutes, so I´ll get what I can have  
\- That´s the spirit!  
\- I´ll gave a quick word with CJ and then we´ll go over the Schedule for the week ok?  
\- Wait … Donna  
But Donna didn´t listen. She stormed into CJ´s office and cheerly greeted her  
\- CJ… and a good morning to you. I got you that chai latte crap you drink, but you now what? I´m your friend and I won´t judge you… how you managed to work in the West Wing for so many years with the Little amount of coffee drink, I´ll never know…  
\- Hey… Donna…  
\- Listen… I have s slight idea of how my week is going … but I wanted to ask you right now so that it doesn´t become this thing I forget… but do you think I can borrow that blue dress, the short one? You know what I mean? The one you wore for Danny´s book signing event? Do you think it´ll fit me? Will it be too long for me? Maybe if I wear heels it won´t be that bad…. The guy is cute… and tall… and things are so much easier when the guy is tall AND cute…. In that order, you know what I mean….WOW! What?  
Donna freezes. Now she gets why Cj kept interrupting her… and in all her morning energy she just didn´t get that someone else was in that office with CJ  
\- Josh…hi!  
\- Hi  
\- Hey  
\- Hey Donna, don´t suppose you have one of those for me right? – Josh says, pointing at the cup of coffee  
\- What? Oh… no… i´m sure we can ask Jane for a cup if you want some… - Donna starts walking to the door  
\- Donna… I´m fine.  
\- Hey… Cj… Josh´s here  
\- Yes… we had an early cup of coffee.  
\- Right… OK. So… everything OK with you?   
\- Yes. Everything´s great  
\- Good…. That´s good… really good. Have you talked to Lily lately?  
\- I talk to Lili twice a week.  
\- Oh… good… that´s good… she´s doing great  
\- She is…  
Donna just stood there. CJ kept turning her head from Donna to Josh, to Donna to Josh. This couldn´t be weirder…  
\- I´ll leave you to it. CJ…  
\- I´ll talk to you when we are done  
\- Right…. So… Josh, take care…   
\- You too Donna.  
\- Bye…  
Donna left the room and closed the door. She stood in the corridor and stared at Jane  
\- Jane – she mouthed – Josh is there  
\- I tried to warn you  
\- What is he doing here?  
\- I have no clue. I got here, and he was already here with CJ

In Cj´s office, Josh sits down

\- So CJ… Donna is still flacky.   
\- Well… yeah… she´s Donna  
Josh laughed hard. That meeting had been so ackward…  
\- So mi amor… you were pretyy criptic in your call last week  
\- Yeah… listen… I´m trying to figure out my next step. I know pretty well what I don´t want… but i´m just trying to be open to anything you know?  
\- Ok?  
\- So… I´ve been contacted by a couple of publishers….  
\- About a book deal?  
\- Yeah  
\- When you say a couple of publishers…  
\- Four publishers  
\- Right. Offers?  
\- Pretty substancial  
\- Right…. Hoynes´ Money?  
\- Hoynes´ money, yeah  
\- Damm… I should have stayed in politics  
\- What I´m trying to tell you is… i don´t want it.   
\- But it´s good money  
\- Right. But I don´t have anything to say, CJ. Anything productive at least. If I write it know all I´ll write is politics is crap, my hair is white, i haven´t seen a movie in 25 years. Don´t do it.  
\- Well…. That´s what ghost writers are for Josh…  
\- I wouldn´t have anyone else write it. Toby maybe. But no. I don´t want it. Not now.  
\- So you want my help to…  
\- To say no to them, but not kill the oportunity.  
\- You want me to be your agent in this scenario?  
\- Yes. Would you do it?  
\- Yes. Forward the contacts and i´ll see what I can work out  
\- Thanks  
\- So… what are you doing in LA?   
\- I´ll teach a semester at UCLA  
\- But you just said you were far too dry and skeptical to write a book and pour your heart in….  
\- It´s undergraduate… it´s different… they all want a “tell all book”… and i won´t do that. I love politics, but I´m done with the “politics” of politics. But I know I can motivate people… I still have it in me… I´m just done with the dirt, the pushing and pulling….  
\- Yeah, I get it. And when do you start?  
\- In a couple of weeks. I´ll start with a goverment course  
\- That´s great Josh… you´ll be great  
\- We´ll see… I´m excited about it. So … I don´t want to take more of your time  
\- Just send everything to me, and I´ll deal with it – she said standing up to greet Josh – It was so nice to see you. You look good Josh.   
\- Thanks CJ… It was good to see you too. Hey… where are you staying?  
\- Oh… I rented a small apartment near compus…. I´ll invite you guys one of these nights…  
\- We´ll love to… Bye Josh, Don´t be a stranger…  
\- I won´t


	12. A new life

CJ slipped quietly into Donna´s office. She was on the phone, and she signalled with her hand to wait for her.   
\- Right Kenny, just tell her that whenever she´s ready, we can see the numbers. We need to see where we are standing to go forward. Right. Thanks. Talk to you later.  
CJ had sat down and looked directly at her.   
\- I´m sorry for today  
\- You don´t have to be sorry  
\- I could have warned you.  
\- Nah…   
CJ stared at her, urging her to ask what she wanted to know. She didn´t want to give her friend away but Donna was her partner and her best friend, and she couldn´t let her down either. This “being in the middle” part of friendhsip was no good.  
\- So he´s in town then?  
\- Yeah  
\- For how long  
\- A semester at least  
\- He´s teaching? – Donna smiled  
\- Yeah. UCLA. Undergraduate – CJ anwered, tilting her head. OH! How she so wished she could read her friend´s mind now…  
\- - THat´s … perfect actually.  
\- You think?  
\- Yeah… he´s great for that. He´s gonna be amazing as a profesor… wow… that´s …. Awesome…  
\- He´s on a trial basis actually… he just got here a couple of weeks ago. He rente dan apartment near campus…  
\- Oh… right… that makes sense…  
Donna looked through the window. Lost in thought… Josh was in LA again. And he had arrived a couple of weeks ago, and didn´t call her. She´d caught the news about his leaving President´s Seaborn Staff and all the amazing encouringing words from the whole Dem Party. He´d read President Bartlet´s Editorial on the Post, and even overheard Danny and CJ talking one Saturday night at home. Josh had actually taken the lea pand was out of politics. That´s new. Well… at least for now, Donna thought. Josh is a political animal. And someone had to feed the beast.  
\- Donna… i lost you there…  
\- Sorry…I was just…   
\- Yeah… he´s done….  
\- I don´t know CJ… Josh is a democrat first, a man second. I´m glad for him, he´s not getting younger and I don´t want another Leo.  
\- Donna… - CJ hesitated – he really is done.  
\- Why do you say that?  
\- He´s been contacted by four publishers. Four publishers for a book deal ok? I talked to three already. He´s been offered five million dollars, Donna. For a book.  
\- What? Oh my God  
\- He said no. To all of tehem  
\- Why?  
\- He doesn´t have anything to say  
\- What? – Donna chuckled  
\- He´s done Donna. They want a tell all book, he doesn´t want that. A tell all book just…. Pulls him back in. He doesn´t want that. He wants to inspire. At least, he wants to try. But it´s 5 million dollars  
Donna smiled.   
\- It´s not about the money. It never was.  
\- It´s a lot of money, honey  
\- Well yeah… but he´s not that.   
\- I wonder what´s next for him…  
\- Yeah…. Well… anyway it´s not my concern anymore – she said, determined  
CJ look at her through her glasses. She didn´t believe a Word…  
\- You wanna come to my place and grab that blue dress?  
\- What blue dress?  
\- For your date?  
\- Oh.. yeah… right. Yes! That would be awesome. You think it´ll fit?  
\- Yeah… I think so. Who´s the guy?  
\- Oh… it´s Jane´s husband´s partner at the law firm? He´s divorced, 50ish, and lives here. He´s a lawyer…  
\- Is he a republican?  
\- I don´t know… but i´ve dated republicans before…  
\- Where are you going?  
\- I think we are going to Damiano´s for dinner.   
\- Dinner… nice…  
\- We are not 20 anymore  
\- I wouldn´t know how to date nowaydays  
\- No one knows… but at least I´m dating someone my age who doesn´t know either. Or at least knows the same I know.  
\- That´s a start.  
CJ stood up and started walking towards the door when she heard Donna speak  
\- I wonder if Lili knew…  
\- About Josh?   
\- Yeah  
\- I´d think so  
\- She didn´t mention anything  
\- Why would she?  
\- I guess…   
\- Donna… don´t mention anything to her.   
\- I won´t. we are all adults here.  
\- Well... she is. You and him, i´m not so sure


	13. A new life

CJ helped Josh out with the publishers. They pushed hard against Josh´s decision… they even bargained for a full promise that they would choose them if Josh finally made his mind. CJ, being the profesional she was, managed to get them down easily, but left them wanting for more.  
It was a sort of family tradition that CJ had started a couple of years ago: game night. On Fridays, if all othe gang was in LA, they would get together and play boardgames and eat together. It had started as a tradition for coping with waiting for Danny and CJ´s and Andi and Toby´s kids to get back home after going out. Lily had joined them for a while, watching TV or playing video games, or just crashing on the sofa.  
Donna loved game night. At first, it was an amazing way to keep the gang together. She loved watching Josh and Toby fight about the philosophical topic of the week. And when Josh left for DC, the gang had kept the tradition in a subtle way to keep Donna out of his house during Friday night. And be there for her.  
ItDona and CJ had been away for the last couple of Fridays… prepping for Midterms. So today, this Friday was the first family game night in a while. The first without Lily, which was bitter sweet. The last baby of the bunch was gone, and the adults would get together, for the first time. Five adults drinks, and charades. What could go wrong?  
Cj had settle for snack night. Snack night meant “anything was allowed”. Burgers, Pretzels, marshmallows. It was a nice night, “snack night”. Everyone would peach in, and CJ and Danny were in charge of drinks. As there´d be no children… drinks would be loaded.  
At 8 PM, Donna arrived… holding a big pack of fries and a chocolate brownie. She quickly made herself useful in the kitchen, while waiting for Toby and Andi  
\- Hey Donna… I wanted to run something by you…  
\- Yeah?  
\- So… Josh is coming  
\- What? – Donna shouted  
\- Calm down, it´ll be fine  
\- CJ! Are you out of your mind?   
\- Listen… it´ll be fine, really. We are all Friends  
\- No we are not, CJ. I was married to Josh…  
\- Well… technically you were never married…  
\- Still! CJ… come on…  
\- Hey… he´s alone here… the last time we saw eachother was that day you saw us in the office… and we´ve been meaning to get together and I just blurted game night today when we talked on the phone…   
\- Oh God… I just wanted to relax tonight… we´ve been away like for … forever. Lily is not here… Maybe I can leave…  
\- Donna…. No you won´t leave. He´ll be here, you´ll be decent. You always got along…   
Donna exhaled loudly  
\- I look hedious  
\- You look amazing Donna… not that it matters, because I´m not playing match maker with your husband, you see?  
\- CJ!  
\- Hey! You are the one that mentioned you looked hedious  
The door rang.   
\- Babe… can you get the door?  
\- Sure  
Danny opened the door  
\- Josh! You old dog! I can´t get over that grey hair  
\- Yeah… what can I tell you…neither do I… but I´m told it´s good with the ladies  
\- We´ll discuss it later. Come on in…  
\- I brought a German chocolate fudge cake. CJ said “snack night”?   
\- That´s right… i´m mixing some martinis. Want one?   
\- Sure  
They made their way to the kitchen  
\- Mi amor… we meet again! Welcome!  
\- Hey Cj… - Josh hugged Cj warmly while eyeing Donna  
Josh walked towards Donna, moving ackwarlly.  
\- Hey Donna… nice to see you again  
\- Hi Josh…   
Donna ackwarlly hugged Josh. Josh froze and looked away. Donna dropped her eyes to the floor and talked  
\- How´s UCLA?  
\- Great… the Group is really challenging. Full of Little Lili´s in my audience… they just won´t let go…  
\- That´s good… - Donna stared at CJ and mouthed “please save us”  
\- Hey… Josh.. why don´t you and Danny set some drinks… we´ll join you in a bit with some snacks  
Josh and Donna left, and Donna joined CJ  
\- I can´t believe I hugged him. Did you see how unconfortable he was?  
\- I didn´t get that, really  
\- Oh my god. He just froze!  
\- Well… Donna… you haven´t touch him in five years. You hate his guts and out of the blue, you go ahead and hug him. What did you expect?  
\- I don´t hate his guts – Donna grabbed a bowl of pretzels and aimed the living room.  
Toby and Andi joined them five minutes later. “it is like old times” – Cj thought. The conversaton flew peacefully. They talked about Sam and Ainsley, Lily and Huck, Molly and her intentions of making a living as an artist. They drank, they laughed, they listened to music. They had fun.   
\- Oh sometimes I miss the old days… - CJ said  
\- What exactly do you miss? – Danny said  
\- The excitement, the challenges, the sense we were making the world a better place…  
\- Or at least trying – Donna added  
\- The hours? The exhaustion? The preassure? – Danny added  
Josh just looked down. He was drinking a beer. When he lifted his eyes, he caught Donna looking at him in the distance. She rapidly dropped the gaze.   
\- It wasn´t all bad, we met eachother right? – Toby said  
\- Oh my God, you ´re so drunk – CJ said – I think I´ve never heard you speak a gentler sentence in your life. And you gave a speech for my wedding.  
\- I was under inmense preassure that night. I couldn´t be my usual warm – said Toby, pouring himself another whisky  
\- Still. But you do have a point. We all met there. In the trenches…  
\- I guess what they say about the White House is true. – Andy said under her breath  
\- And what´s that, my love?  
\- You don´t have time for social time. You fuck eachother  
They all looked at eachother. And burst out laughing for a couple of minutes. CJ just lost it. And Toby soon followed.  
\- It´s true. Really. We divorced before the White House right? And we got back together in the White House. It´s a … sex magnet. You don´t get to see anyone else…!   
\- So what you are saying is… you fell for me again… because no one else was there?  
\- Well.. I wasn´t saying that… but now that you mention it… it might be true…  
And that got everyone crying with laughter again. This night was going south, pretty fast.  
\- Well… we didn´t “fuck around”… as you put it, Andy. We were…you know, pretty busy. Not for lack of trying, if you know what I mean… - Danny added  
\- You waited very patiently, Honey. Thank you  
\- This lady kept kissing me in random places throughout the White House without even saying good morning…  
\- Are you actually complaining? – Toby asked  
\- Well… no… but it was confussing as hell.  
\- I think I was pretty clear, Danny.  
\- No, not really.  
\- You are a good kisser. And there was no one else…  
\- My point, exactly – said Andy  
\- Wait a minute… wait a minute…. You said you liked my kissing  
\- I did. I do.  
\- Now you are saying you were horny and there was no one else around?  
Everybody laughed hard. This back and forth CJ and Danny had were amazing.  
\- Honey…. No…. I told you…. I was thinking about your beautiful mouth all day and I needed to get past it. And then when you kissed me…. I just… couldn´t get past it. It was too good to let go, babe…. – Cj threw her arms around Danny´s neck and kissed him pasionatelly  
Everybody started clapping and shouting. And CJ and Danny laughed hard.  
\- I think it´s safe to say – Josh said – that we all found love there, one way or another. Some people didn´t have bounderies or respect for the Institution and were making out all over the White House but still. Some way or another, we all found love there. And that´s a pretty good memory that makes every effort worth while right?   
\- Here here – they all added  
\- I hate the White House – Donna said, out of the blue. She was, no doubt, quite tipsy.  
Everyone kept quiet and looked at her  
\- I hate the hours. I hate the pressure. I hate the notion that we all put our lives on hold for this out of this world sense of duty when after all… I got blew up. The White House gave me everything. And then… just like that, it took it away. it was a job!  
Everyone contemplated what she was saying.  
\- Ok…. let´s call it a night  
Everyone helped out with dishes. Then they grabbed their coats and started saying their goodbyes.  
\- Donna… you are sleeping here ok?  
\- All right.   
\- Josh? Are you taking a cab?  
\- Yeah  
\- Ok… bye everyone!  
Donna greeted everyone by the door. Josh was the last to leave.  
\- Donna  
\- Yeah?  
\- It wasn´t the White House that hurt you. I did that.  
\- Josh, I´m drunk  
\- Well…yeah but still. It was never just a job for you. And I am sorry, for hurting you.   
\- I now you are.  
\- It was me. It wasn´t the White House – Josh said, leaving Cj and Danny´s House  
\- Josh?  
\- Yeah  
\- Why LA?  
\- What?  
\- Why are you here?  
Josh looked at her lovingly and exhaled loudly  
\- I love the weather


	14. A new life

The next couple of weeks were pretty hectic.  
Midterms were around the corner. CJ and Donna prepped the candidates, organized events, and gave reporters what was needed. Josh kept teaching and getting more and more confortable in this new, calmer rol. Toby kept with his editing job, and Andy giving lectures acorss the country.   
No one was expecting this news… but then again, no one was surprised.   
President Bartelt was dead, after battling MS and old age. He´d spent his last years in bed, a ghost of his great great mind, but surrounded with Abby, his daughters and grandchildren. And his adopted family was there too. CJ and Donna visited him often. Josh did too. And Toby used to send him long letters, that Abby read to him. Once in a while, you could distinct a small smile while listening to Toby´s outarged rant on millenials, the media or globalization. There were these moments that Abby cherished, knowing that Jed was still there, somewhere.  
President Seaborn organized a State Funeral in New Hampshire. The funeral would take place in his library, and after that, he would be buried at the ranch, as were his wishes. A short amount of press would be allowed, and President Seaborn would give the Eulogy.  
The whole Group took a plane to New Hampshire. The would be staying at the ranch for the weekend. Lily couldn´t make it and she was crashed. But she made sure to call Abby and Zoey, whom she was closer.  
It was a sunny day, that Friday. The group arrived together in a van, after having spent the night at the ranch together. They took their places and waited for the motorcade to arrive.   
Sam joined the group, and hugged Josh, Donna, Toby and Cj tenderly. Then he hugged Abby and sat next to him.  
Charlie read a few words from the Bible. And so did CJ. Justice Mendoza said a few words about the role of the executive power, and its power in holding Democracy together. And then… it was Sam´s turn.  
“Good morning everyone. It´s a great honor to be here, among all of you to say goodbye to a great leader, a great thinker, a great father and husband, and a great friend, President Josiah Bartlet.   
Sir, I hope you´ll forgive me… but for the first time in all these years, I won´t be formal, or polished. I haven´t prepared anything, I´m speaking from my heart.   
What a great oportunity it was to serve with you, for you. What a wonderful oportunity… to see the world through your eyes, not as it is, but as what it could be. And to be lead by you, into being part of the force that makes that chance possible, in any capacity. Thank you, Josh, for my life. I´ve told you this before, my friend. But thank you for finding him. For trusting Leo. And for getting me. Thank you for my life, Josh. Thank you for my life, President Bartlet. Thank you for my family, for my Friends. For my purpose. For my strenght, and for the challenges. I´m inspired by you, Sir, everyday. We all are. Forever. And forever gratefull…”  
Toby, Charlie, and Josh served as pole-bearers. Danny joined them too. Sam took Dr. Bartlet´s arm and led the procession.  
After the burial, a small group of people joined the Bartlet´s at the ranch. President Seaborn had to leave, not before hugging each of his Friends.   
Abby excused herself at night and left Toby, Andi, Josh, CJ, Danny, Donna, Charlie and Zoey alone in the huge cozy living room.   
It was a scene out of a fairy tale, no one would guess it was a funeral. It was a group of Friends, having drinks and talking about the old days. And once in a while someone would break into “to President Bartlet” and everyone would drink.   
\- My best memory with President Bartlet was that mishap during the second election. When Toby and him were giving these local reporters small interviews and he talked on air about the Governor… saying he was not smart… and I caught him, i really did, and he knew it, and it was a second… but I caught him and it was great – CJ shared  
\- Calling Mrs. Morello…. That was amazing… - Donna said, with a smile  
Josh chuckled under his breath  
\- Playing chess… once he told me he needed my view of things even if it made him hate me sometimes. A remarkable man. My first and only win in an election…  
\- Here, Here  
\- His face when I told him I was thinking about asking Zoey out... priceless  
They all burst out in laughter.  
\- You were the son he never had, Honey  
\- I know. He was my father, the best father anyone could wish for  
\- Well.. I don´t know about that… he was a lousy cook… do you remember those chilly nights?  
\- Oh God – everyone said  
\- But those were good nights, right? – Donna whispered  
\- Yes, they were. I will miss him. I mean… i´ve been missing him… those last few years were awful  
\- Abby said he wasn´t in pain – CJ whispered  
\- Yeah… but… he was there. His mind… he was there. And he new. He was trapped in his own body, that amazing mind… how… - Josh exhaled loudly  
\- Unfair? – Donna said  
Josh looked at her, and held her gaze  
\- Yeah… he was there. And i missed him all these years…I know now that he´s not suffering, and he´s free to think, to see, to hear, to talk to anyone who wants to listen… - that stole a couple of laughs from everyone – but I´ll miss him so…   
Donna, who was seating near him, placed her hand on his and gave him a Little squish. Josh looked up with tears in his eyes, surprised for this contact, and found Donna looking at him, lovingly, understanding him.   
\- Josh – she whispered, just for him to listen.  
Toby started rumbling about the kids, and how Jed and Huck would discuss any topic for hours, until Jed would burst out of the discussion screaming “you are a worse Ziegler than your father, Huck, and that´s so much to say” but Josh and Donna were frozen, in their Little bubble. She, taking his hand. He, sobbing under his breath. Her thumb caressed his hand, giving him confort. He held his gaze to the floor, afraid to see her straight in her and break this moment. He realized then, how much he needed her. She was the only one capable of bringing confort to a painful be.   
\- Do you want to go outside? – Donna whispered  
Josh lifted his eyes, and looked straight at her. He couldn´t understand what he was seing. But there was something there. And he needed more of that.   
\- Yes


	15. A new life

\- I needed fresh air  
\- It looked like your head was going to explode  
He exhaled loudly. He noticed that he hadn´t let go of her hand  
\- Donna… i´m sorry… - and he let her go  
\- It´s ok, Josh. That´s OK … do you feel better?  
\- Not really, no.  
\- Let´s sit out here. It´s not too cold is it?  
\- No…  
\- No, it´s nice actually  
\- Yeah…  
They sat on a bench looking towards the barn. The sky was full of stars and a light breeze surrounded them.  
\- It´s everything we won´t have you know?  
\- What do you mean?  
\- He held Lily in his arms. Leo couldn´t. and… and I thought, OK, my dad is not here, Leo is not here, your dad wasn´t here Jed is here for her.  
\- She felt that  
\- I know. I did, I know you did. And now he´s gone. And he´s been gone for so long. And I´ve been sad for so long and I came here, and everything I´d hope he could say something and I kept talking to him, and telling him about Lily, about Sam, about my kids at UCLA, about Huck and Lily… and I knew he was listening, and I knew he had something to say and … I just… I know he is in a better place, I mean, he must be, he has to be… he´s with Leo, and Leo is drinking but he doesn´t have a drinking problem in heaven right? And they´re happy, and there´s no pain, and there´s talking and cigars. Right?  
\- I do hope so. Josh, they loved you… so much. You have to know that. I know you think you are all out of luck but Josh, you had three fathers. And all of them, were so proud of you. Even when you messed up, they were proud of you, your good heart, your mind.  
\- I really loved them.  
Josh sobbed softly, and took his hands to his hair, he touched his eyes to make the tears go away  
\- I though jews didn´t believe in heaven…  
\- You know what I meant  
\- Hardly ever, Josh  
He turned his face to her and started laughing. She looked at him and started laughing too. And soon, there was silence.  
\- Thank you for being OK with me being with you guys  
\- They are your Friends too, Josh  
\- Yeah, I know. But if you were unconfortable, I wouldn´t be around, you know that, I know that  
Donna nodded knowingly, and smiled.  
\- You are different – Josh said  
\- Yeah? I´m older  
\- Well… yeah, we all are. But you are different  
\- Different how?  
\- I don´t know really.  
She chuckled.  
\- Josh… I´m almost 50, that must be it.  
\- It´s not that  
\- I´m burned out, the Midterms are killing me  
\- It´s not that  
She looked at him, quietly. He kept her gaze.  
\- You said …  
\- What?  
\- The other day…. I mean… a couple of months ago… you said you didn´t know me  
\- Yeah… I´m sorry about that…  
\- Listen to me. You are right. You don´t.  
\- I don´t?  
\- No, you don´t know me. And I… don´t know you…  
\- You don´t?  
\- No. But I am interested. I´d like to know you  
\- I´m not following  
He grabbed both her hands.  
\- Donna… I´m in a bar right?  
\- Right….  
\- And I see you… and we talk about the weather….  
\- Right…  
\- But I want to know you… I´m hooked  
She smiled widly  
\- Josh… come on  
\- I know I hurt you, Donna. And I am sorry. But trully I´m not the same guy you fell in love with 20 years ago. And you are not either. But I want to get to know you. I don´t want to date you, I want to know you. I want you to know me. Maybe you´ll like me, maybe you won´t. But let´s get a drink sometime and find out.  
\- Josh.. we are not 20 anymore  
\- So what? Look… I don´t want to live in a world where you it is ok for you to tell me you don´t know me, and you don´t care about me. You need to know me and feel something. Even if you hate me. I can´t have you living in a world where I don´t exist. Where you don´t care… that´s not you, I think. . So i´m in a bar, and I see you, and we talk about the weather right? And I´m hooked. And I want to know you. Can I have your number? Can I call you sometime?  
\- And you´ll buy me a drink?  
\- I´m not taking you to dinner… I´m not that into you… yet  
\- Coffee?  
\- Coffee is good  
\- I´m not sure you can take alcohol that well.  
\- I´m almost 60 Donna  
\- So what? You have a delicate system.  
\- So… coffee?  
\- Maybe  
Josh smiled widely.  
\- Come on, let´s go inside – he said  
They stood up, and started walking towards the residence  
\- So Donna… where are you from?  
\- I´m from Wisconsin, Josh  
\- Right…. And you grew up in a farm? Full of cheese and cows and farmly activities?  
\- Shut up


	16. A new life

\- Have you heard from Josh? – Donna said, coming into CJ´s office with a cup of coffee and a smokey chai latte  
\- Thanks. And yeah, I talked to him on Tuesday  
\- Oh – Donna whispered  
\- We pretty much talk every couple of weeks  
\- Right.  
\- Why are you asking? – CJ said, questionly  
Donna inhaled deeply and exhaled loudly, with a sigh  
\- I can´t believe I´m here again. Dammit.  
\- Donna, what is it? Is it Lily?  
\- No… she´s fine. She´s just fine. It´s that… Don´t Yell at me ok?  
\- I´m about to Yell at you right now if you don´t speak up, you are freecking me out  
\- So remember President Bartlet´s funeral? We stayed at the farm …  
\- Donna, I was there. What?  
\- Josh was weird…  
\- Josh is weird  
\- This is weird-weird, CJ.  
\- Josh in fishing gear weird? Josh in secret plan to fight inflation weird?  
\- Very weird.  
\- OK  
\- And he was really emotional. Very, I mean he was utterly destroyed.  
\- We all were.  
\- Yeah… but we went out to get some air. And we talked. And he plain said that he didn´t want to live in a world where I don´t care if he exists or not. He said I was different and he was different and that we didn´t know eachother anymore. And he wanted to know me. Because if I were in a bar, he would talk to me about the weather and he would be hooked…  
\- OK… I¨m not following. He was sad? He was drunk?  
\- CJ… no. He meant it. He really did. He said… he asked me for coffee.  
\- He asked you out?  
\- For coffee. Didn´t he say anything to you?  
\- Do I look like someone who already knew this?  
\- But then he didn´t call.  
\- You haven´t talked to him in… 3 weeks?  
Yeah  
\- I´m sorry to be doing this… but…. Are you sure Donna? He said that?  
\- Yeah, 100%...  
\- Do you want me to talk to him?  
\- No… CJ…  
\- So….  
\- It bothers me. At first I felt … strange? But then I kind of started thinking about how much fun we used to have… the bantering… the back and forth… I almost forgot that this guy that talked to me at the funeral was this Josh that hurt me so much and…  
\- You want to get to know him?  
\- I think so, yeah. I mean. I don´t know if I can get past it… but he seems different  
\- He is different  
\- But he´s Josh…. And I can´t do this again…  
\- He´s not asking for that right?  
\- I don´t know what he´s asking… right now he´s not asking anything  
\- Maybe YOU should ask him for coffee.  
\- Ha…  
\- Really? What´s to lose?  
\- I don´t know CJ… - Donna stood up – are we getting together tomorrow night?  
\- Yeah… absolutelly.. Toby is in. Andie is in Europe.  
\- Pizza night?  
\- Done.  
Donna walked by the door  
\- Donna? – CJ called  
\- Yeah?  
\- Eight o´clock?  
\- Right  
CJ knew exactly who else to invite.  
Friday night came quickly. The week just flies by when you are loaded with midterm´s stuff. Prepping, reaserch, trips, calls… never ending calls.  
\- You know what? I was going to do the pizza myself. But I just… ordered.  
\- That´s fine CJ… really – Josh said – it´s perfect actually. We are all beat.  
\- Yeah.. my point exactly. How´s everything?  
\- Everything is good… we´ve reached the middle of the semester.. well… almost. Nobody bailed on me…  
\- That´s good…  
\- Yeah… i´m having fun. And it´s been good really.  
\- I´m so happy for you Josh.  
\- Yeah – Josh said and handed CJ a bottle of beer.  
\- Thanks… so… are you dating someone?  
Josh spitted his beer.  
\- Josh… what the hell?  
\- You don´t beat around the bush right?  
\- Hey… we are Friends  
\- Well yeah…. But we haven´t talked about stuff like this like…. Never. We´ve never talked about this … ever  
\- Ok, we can start now right?  
\- No  
\- Come on…! I´m married, and I don´t date anymore Josh… You are the only single friend I have. I basically live through you.  
\- CJ…. I love you to death but you can really be exhausting sometime  
\- Just tell me already  
Josh took a couple of seconds.  
\- No i´m not dating. I haven´t met anyone. I don´t want to meet anyone. I´m not in the mood to dive into getting to pick up a girl in a bar  
\- A girl?  
\- A woman.  
\- I get you  
\- It´s just… so not… right?  
\- Not right yet?  
\- I don´t know, CJ. I may be out for good.  
\- Ha…. That, I can´t believe.  
Josh laughed hard…  
\- You know who else is single right? Donna – Josh said, taking a sip from his beer.  
\- Is she? – CJ said, looking at him  
\- Is she? – Josh said, looking at her intenselly.  
\- Maybe – and CJ took a sip of her beer  
\- You know CJ… I can read you so so so well… even after all these years… and you seem to forget that I used to run a country for a living, I had Congress eating from my hand, I reformed policy in my underwear… and you think you can play me?  
\- You know, mi amor.. i used to be press secretary and work our message for a living…  
\- In an era without internet, and twitter, and social media… whereas myself…. Pretty much “live” 24/7…so a Little itchy bit different…  
\- Your point being?  
\- My point being is: you talked to Donna, she told you what we talked at the farm, you are fishing for answers for her, she wants to know why I haven´t called yet  
CJ moved her mouth and stare at him  
\- OK. Yes, yes, not to much, yes  
\- Translate  
\- Yes, I talked to Donna. Yes, she told me. No, I´m not fishing FOR her… I´m fishing for me. No, she doesn´t want to know. Although I don´t believe her.  
\- I wanted to. I just thought she wouldn´t be interested.  
\- Josh… didn´t she tell you it was OK?  
\- Well… yeah  
\- So what the hell are you waiting for?  
\- This is Donna, CJ. Come on. I can´t fuck this up  
\- What do you want?  
\- I don´t know. All I know I´m not OK with her not being in my life in any form. We were in an airport a couple months ago, and I talked to her and she told me she didn´t know me, she didn´t care… she hugged me the other night, and I froze for God´s sake… This can´t be our life, this can´t be what we are reduced to…  
\- Josh, you are Lily´s father… you´ll be in eachother lives forever.  
\- Not so much anymore. And that got to me too. We don´t exist anymore, you know? And I don´t want that. I know I … fucked up. I know I did. I´m so sorry I hurt her… but I did what I thought was right. And… I don´t think I was wrong…  
\- I know  
\- I hated what that did to my life, and to Donna´s life, and to Lily´s life… but i just had to do it… and I know I hurt her… so much.. but what kills me is… I fucking let her down… in that moment, I became someone totally different. And we drifted apart. And now… i don´t know her, because she changed and I missed it And I want to know her… you know?  
CJ looked at his friend… and she knew… she just knew that Donna was right. He was different. He had changed. And in a way… a very significant way, he was a totally different man. She smiled shyly, and stood up.  
\- You know what Josh? For an emotional constipated … 60 year old man  
\- I´m 59  
\- You articulated your brain pretty well  
\- Thanks?  
\- Call her. Deal with it. If she says no, we´ll deal with it. I don´t think she will say no, though… so get it together… pronto.  
\- Toby and Donna are here! – Danny shouted from the door  
\- CJ… what the hell! – Josh said  
\- You are weak, you know you are weak. Hi everyone!  
They all ate together, discussing reality shows, a pluming outburst Toby had incountered in his house when he came back from the farm. Josh talked about university and they discussed the last enviromental policy Sam had managed to pass. They listened to music and Toby smoked a cigar. Danny felt asleep, finally not able to resist the jetlag this Europe book tour dropped on him. They had fun, they relaxed, they bonded.  
And when the night came to an end, and they all said their goodbyes, Daonna asked Josh if he needed a ride. And Josh said yes. He got into the car and fastened his seatbelt. Donna turned the engine on and asked him  
\- Where to?  
\- Are you tired? How about some coffee?


	17. A new life

\- I don´t know if we´ll find anything open, though. This isn´t NY you know?  
\- Yes we will… it´s Friday night! If we get near campus, we´ll run into one for sure.  
They spotted a drive-thru and Donna suggested buying coffee and parking near by.   
\- This is just like a ….  
\- Campaign trail?  
\- Yeah… the coffee is bad  
\- It´s hot, I´ll take it.  
\- Are you cold?  
\- I´m fine, really. So tell me about UCLA  
\- It´s amazing, actually. I´m so happy I got this oportunity, really. Sometimes I believe I´m making progress…   
\- How wonderfull  
\- The dean talked to me the other day about maybe taking another course next semester. And I asked about maybe tutoring one or two students  
\- That would be amazing Josh! You are a very good teacher  
\- Yeah… I´m getting the vibe…  
Donna laughed at his comment.  
\- So Donna… what´s up with you? Tell me about yourself  
Donna started laughing again. This time, very loudly  
\- Are we really doing this?  
\- Yes… I said I wanted to know you. So tell me something, anything you want.  
\- All right – she sighted – something about myself…. I have a daughter  
\- You do? Nice.  
\- She´s 18. She´s in college and she´s wonderful.  
\- Of course…  
\- And I miss her. A lot. But I´m so proud of her… so I suffer in silence.  
\- Ha… that´s being a mom.  
\- I like books, I like ice skating competitions, I like Yo Yo Ma  
\- Me two. The Noel… not so much.  
Donna smiled widely, mocking him.  
\- I work with my best friend, and I love my job. I love LA, although sometimes I miss …  
\- You miss?  
\- I miss… DC. I used to live in DC.  
\- Me two.   
\- Yeah… you know what? I can´t do this.  
\- Yes, you can. We can.   
\- Ok you do it.  
Josh took a breath.   
\- OK so what´s the deal with you? – Josh said  
\- My “deal”?  
\- Yeah… are you single? Are you divorced? Do you hate men? A woman this beautiful can not be alone…  
\- Josh… don´t be this guy…  
\- Hey… we are in a bar… and I´m hooked, remember?. I want to know why you are not with someone. You could be a psico, for all I know…  
\- I´m not a psico  
\- Are you a crazy feminista?  
\- I don´t even know what that is  
\- So you hate men?  
\- No, I don´t hate men.   
\- Do you date?  
\- Yes, I do date.  
\- No one special?  
\- Not yet. Do you?  
\- Date? Not that much. Have fun? Sometimes  
\- Josh… this is so beyond what I want to know, really  
\- We are having fun Donnatella, don´t be a downer.  
\- OK. I´m … separated  
\- Not divorced?  
\- I never got married  
\- Right. The daughter´s father?   
\- Yeah…   
\- Long story?  
\- Long, big, loaded story  
\- Ha…  
\- Ramifications…   
\- Right… and no one else?  
\- No one significant.   
\- Just fun then?  
\- Some fun, yeah.   
\- That´s good … I guess – he cringed  
\- It keeps you sane  
\- That I can understand.  
\- But I do miss… being coupled up. I miss the…  
\- Regular sex?  
\- No…! Well… yeah… but the friendship that comes with being together, you know what I mean?  
\- Yeah, I get it. The sense that you are a team  
\- Yes. And I´m old…  
\- You´re older  
\- Yeah… and I don´t want to mess around anymore. I want to have fun, though. I wouldn´t settle…. I would have settled a couple of years ago, but I know better now. I just miss sharing my life with someone.  
\- I miss talking.  
\- Do you like talking? – she said, laughing  
\- Yeah… someone told me once that I never get tired of listening to the sound of my own voice…  
Donna snorted.  
\- I have a daughter too.  
\- You do?  
\- Yeah… and she likes talking. And she´s dating someone. I want to kill him, but I know he is a good guy, and he sounds perfect for her. And she has to live her life. But anyway, I was saying… she loves talking, and he loves it too. And that´s when I knew we were in trouble. Because that…. Just there… that´s huge. I mean… they are kids, and they don´t get tired of eachother and they are discovering the world together, growing up together, and they have forever together… if they want to. And she loves him. Even if he´s a nerd, a geek…and he loves her. And she´s nothing like him, but you have to see the way he looks at her… he says nothing but you just know… you look at him, looking at her and you just know…   
\- Yeah… sometimes… never mind  
\- What?  
\- Nothing, really…   
Josh took in what she was saying. He got it completelly. But he was wondering if it was OK to say it…   
\- What I mean is… I miss that. I had that.   
Donna looked at him, knowingly. She smiled and looked away.   
\- But you know Donna… you say you like ice skating, and I have to tell you… I never understood what the big deal is really… it´s dancing, that´s not a sport…. Curling, I get. Ice skating olympics? Come on…  
\- It´s moving, it´s gracefull, it´s dangerous, it´s humillating…   
\- It´s a reality show?  
\- I don´t know any reality show that is gracefull, Josh  
\- I think the Bachelor is gracefull  
\- When have you ever watched the Bachelor? Really? When?  
\- I watch the Bachelor. I watch John Oliver, Stephen Colbert, and CNN, but I watch The Bachelor.  
\- I don´t believe you.  
\- I can´t quote it, if that´s what you are saying… but it… relaxes me  
\- Me, I watch the cooking channel… the cooking channel and a glass of wine, and I´m set.  
\- Do you still drink White?  
\- How do you know i drink White? Are you some kind of stalker? – she said, laughing  
\- Sorry, my mistake.  
\- Yes, I drink White.  
\- Do you like cooking?   
\- Not that much anymore, really. It´s just me now. The house has become… very big I have to say…  
\- And you never got married?  
\- Nop  
\- Do you want to get married?  
\- I don´t know, maybe? Have you been married?  
\- Nop  
\- Do you want to get married?  
\- Yes  
\- Wow… you answered fast  
\- I know what I want  
\- You do? You could have fooled me…  
\- I do. My parents were married for almost 30 years, and they went through everything together. And after all, they were together, until the end. I think that´s a good life.  
\- I guess, yes. But you don´t have to be married to get that…  
\- There´s something romantic and inspirational about marriage, it´s telling the world “this is my mate, we are in this together no matter what”. And a commitment in front of everyone you love and cherrish. I think the fuss about marriage is that a piece of paper does not guarantee commitment, and of course it doesn´t, it´s a piece of paper! But so it´s the Constitution and the Bill of rights, for that matter. That alone doesn´t stand for itself. It´s a commitment, it´s a stament, and I want it.  
Donna looked at Josh with searching eyes. He was speaking so elocuently, and full of passion. Of course they had talked about marriage during their relationship, but there was never any time. They started their first term at the White House, and soon Donna had gotten pregnant with Lily, and then jumbling the Office, with a new family, had been too much to even consider taking time to get married. It seemed vanal at the time, for both of them, and with Lily in their lives, they felt complete. However, Donna was now learning exactly how important this marriage thing was for him.   
\- You like big heart felt declarations  
\- Yes  
\- I like them too  
\- Good  
\- What do you think your daughter would say if she knew you feel like this about marriage, and declarations of commitment and stuff…?  
\- She knows. And she thinks I´m emotionally constipated. Which I get, but … i´m not that guy anymore. I´ve had my bumps, believe me… and… I don´t want to take anything for granted anymore… I want everything that life has to offer, I thinks it´s my prerrogative. I´ve served for my country, I´ve done my best… all I did, I did honestly, and with decency, even in my mistakes. I want to live my life now, life of duty is gone, my friend  
\- Gone?  
\- Gone  
\- No higher power bullshit?  
\- No, I did my time with grace  
\- Like the Bachelor  
\- Like the Bachelor, yes. So all I have to do know is….   
\- Find a mate?  
\- Well… yeah, but it sounds so clinical when you say it like that  
\- Find a commitment?  
\- Yeah.   
They started laughing. This was bantering, yes, but there was not nothing silly in this line of talking, in this back and forth. Donna tried to disguise a yawn.  
\- Hey… look at you…you are tired. Let´s go.  
\- No, i´m fine really  
\- You are about to fall asleep Donna, are you OK driving? I can take an uber.  
\- No, it´s fine really. Let´s keep talking… I´m fine.   
\- Look… I know I´m charming, but we can do this another time… maybe… when we are both better rested. Come on, I´ll take you home, and then I´ll get an uber. Let me drive.  
\- OK – she opened the door and got our of the car. She crossed him midway, and for a breif second they held their haze. His hand brushed her arm, and she touch his wrist. Josh looked at her hand in his wrist, mesmerized.   
\- Here – and she gave him the keys – you know where we are going right?  
He came out of his spell and looked at her, grabbing the keys and leaning towards her for a brief moment.   
\- I have no idea. But i´ll follow your lead.   
She smiled. She liked that idea.


	18. A new life

\- So we… I was suposed to take him home, and instead we got some coffee, we talked for an hour in the car, and I was so beat he had to drive me home… he even had to wake me up when we got there – Donna said to CJ on the phone, while opening the fridge to get some milk for her morning coffee.  
\- - I´m telling you CJ… nothing happened. Really. Yes, I promise, of course I would tell you. Yes, it was nice, I guess. The coffee was bad, though. That´s what happens when you improvise… no, I think I´ll stay home today… there´re some things I want to go through here… I need to do laundry…I don´t know CJ, maybe. I think he will… I don´t know. CJ, you´re ramping up and it´s making me nervous… hey, someone´s at the door, hold on…  
\- Donna looked through the window, and couldn´t believe her eyes. She opened the door.  
\- - Hey…. CJ, I have to go. Josh is here – and she hanged up, while hearing CJ going on at the side of the phone. She knew she would have to deal with CJ later  
\-   
\- Hey… sorry to come by, would you believe me if I told you I was in the neighbourhood?  
\- No – she laughed  
\- Ha… fine. OK, I wasn´t in the neighborhood. I have coffee. The good kind. I thought after tonight, I owed you.   
\- Ah… I don´t know… do you want to come in? Or….  
\- I thought we could take a walk?  
\- In LA?  
\- Well… we can drive to a park, seat on a bench?   
Donna laughed at the sound of that  
\- Joshua Lyman, outdoormsman  
\- That´s me. What do you say?  
\- Let me get my stuff…  
“There goes laundry”, Donna though. Donna came out, and found Josh leaning on a car, with his glasses on and a smug face . He handed her a cup of coffee, and got in the car.  
\- You are kind of full of yourself right? I mean with this coffee on a Saturday morning thing? What if I wasn´t home?   
\- I would´ve thrown the coffee and watch a movie  
\- Oh… I´m honored.   
\- Hey… you were my first plan. Look… I figured you were beat yesterday right? You were going to take Saturday slow. I know I would.  
\- Yeah… i was about to start laundry.  
\- Well, Donna from Wisconsin, then it´s safe to say, I´m tunned to you  
They found and empty spot near a park. They started walking, they day was beautiful and people were running, walking with strollers and just enjoying the scenary.   
\- So Donna, do you have siblings?  
Donna turned to him, chuckling under his breath  
\- Are we still doing this?   
\- Donna… come on…  
\- Josh I can tell you my whole life but you now that already. You´ve known me for 20 years. You know all that…Ask me what you want to know…  
They found a seat and Josh and Donna sat down.  
\- Just ask… this “not knowing eachother” thing is bugging me – Donna said, taking a sip from her coffee  
\- I want to know if you are interested in getting to know me again. If you met me now, at CJ´s house, would you be interested in knowing me?  
\- Define knowing   
\- Well … knowing me…  
\- I know you  
\- Knowing ME Donna… you as a single woman and me as a single man  
\- You mean… if you asked me out would I say yes?  
\- Well…. Yes  
\- That´s difficult see…. Because I did go out with you, for a while, we had a daughter and we ended our relationship 5 years ago.  
\- 4 years and a half, but who is counting   
\- What´s your point?  
\- I want to ask you out. And I don´t want you to freak out about it  
\- So you come to my house, which you bought, by the way  
\- We bought it  
\- On a Saturday morning, unannounced  
\- Well… yeah  
\- With good coffee…   
\- Yeah?  
\- You are my ex, Josh. You know that?  
\- Yes  
\- You ´re Lily´s dad  
\- Yes  
\- And you ….  
\- Fucked up?  
\- Yeah, big time.  
\- I said I´m sorry. Many, many times.   
\- Yes, you did  
\- But?  
\- It´s weird, Josh  
\- So what?  
\- Josh.. I just can´t…  
\- Look… do you want to? Or are you afraid of what everyone will say?  
\- I couldn´t care less about anyone else… I´m afraid of what I´ll say, Josh. I can´t do this again  
\- Why not, Donna?  
\- Because it hurt too much, Josh! It still does. This – and she moved her hands signalling the families and people jogging - is the life we were supposed to have, and you left. You promised me… you said you wanted a different life, and I wanted that for us. And you left. I told you… I asked you to stay, and you left. So… I know you are a different man, and I know you are done with politics and I believe you, I do. But don´t ask me to get to know you again, as if … as if nothing happened. Because it did, and it happened to me.   
\- It happened to me too, Donna.  
\- But YOU chose it, Josh. YOU got what you wanted.  
\- I didn´t want to lose you!  
\- It´s that, Josh. It´s always about what you want Josh, right? You know what? This is silly… I can´t do this, thanks for coffee, I just….I´ll go  
\- Donna, come on….  
\- Josh, really. It´s fine. I´m fine.   
Donna took a cab home. She opened the door and stood there, staring at her things, scattered through the living room.  
She considered starting laundry, or tidying up, but all she wanted was to crawl into bed and cry. She couldn´t believe she was here, in this same place again. She poured herself a glass of wáter, which she drowned. And then, she went to her room, and cried herself to sleep.  
She spent the whole afternoon in bed, watching cooking shows. When the night surprised her, she got startled by a phone buzzing  
\- Hey honey!  
\- Mom… are you OK? you didn´t call today.  
\- Oh honey… I´m so so sorry… I just had the worst week, and I got caught in laundry and papers and more laundry  
\- Yeah… everything OK then?  
\- Yeah… just tired. How are you? How´s school?  
\- School is fine, i´m preparing for some exams, I have a paper due on Monday, i´m taking a break right now  
\- Anything fun for Saturday?   
\- Ah… well… if I finish the paper, I may catch Huck later…  
\- Oh… that´s nice  
\- Yeah… mom?  
\- Yeah?  
\- When did you know… it was time… it was… you know…when did you know you were… ready or… just in the right place to… you know…  
\- I think I get what you´re saying, honey  
\- Oh, thank God…  
\- Honey, if it´s time… if it´s right for you… and him… and you know he´s a good guy and he will respect you…  
\- He has respected me  
\- Yeah.. I figured… listen, I sense you have thought this through…  
\- I did… a lot  
\- There´s also over thinking stuff, you know?  
\- Yeah.. I do that.  
\- That´s my fault, those are my genes. Do you love him?  
\- Yeah, Mom.   
\- Go with your gut, Lily. Just… be careful. You both be careful. And try to have fun. It´s a big step… why are you having second thoughts?  
\- I´m not. It´s not that, Mom. I´m sure.  
\- So what?   
\- It´s … what if I suck?  
\- In sex?  
\- Yeah  
\- Honey… everyone thinks that. Believe me. But it´s an experience, and who else would you rather share this with? Don´t pressure yourself go slow. You don´t have to be a … you get my point right?  
\- Yeah  
\- Talk with Huck. Tell him how you feel. Talk it over. And laugh. And talk, honey.   
\- Yeah… ok  
\- Ok babe… call me later  
\- No, Mom…  
\- Ok… I had to try. Please, be careful, OK?  
\- I will Mom. I don´t know what I´ll do  
\- Ok… take care, OK. talk to you tomorrow?  
\- Yeah. Bye Mom, love you  
Donna hunged up. She wondered if she´d helped Lily. On one hand… she loved that she felt she could call her and talk about what was happening… but on the other hand, this was her little girl… and this was a big step for her. And Donna was terrified. But she trusted Huck was a great guy, and they had been dating for over 6 months, and if they still hadn´t done anything … well… this guy was a gentleman. She had to trust her daughter and as fas as she knew she was being very responsable about all this.   
She sensed a buzz again, and grabbed her phone without looking  
\- Honey… what is it?  
\- Donna?  
\- Josh?  
\- Yeah… is this… a bad time?  
\- No… I though it was Lily… i´m sorry  
\- You didn´t know it was me?  
\- No.. i didn´t pay attention to the caller ID  
\- So maybe if you had, you wouldn´t have picked up? Is that what you are saying?  
\- Oh Josh.. it´s late… what is it?  
\- I… I´m sorry about today. I´m sorry.  
\- I´m sorry too. Well… not for what I said… but for…  
\- Yeah, I know. Look… I feel…. I need to … I need you to know how I feel Donna… it´s … I can´t … I miss you in my life. I´ve missed you all these years… Donna . I got to go.  
\- Josh… what is it?  
\- I don´t want to hurt you, I never did  
\- I know that Josh…   
\- I´ll back off ok?  
Josh… are you OK?  
\- I´m fine. I just… I don´t know what I was thinking… I…. I´m sorry, Donatella.   
\- Josh… I´m not telling you to back off, it´s just… too much you know?  
\- No, Donna… i´m sorry, I don´t get it. Do you hate me?  
\- No, I don´t hate you, Josh – she laughed  
\- It´s the grey hair right?  
\- No, Josh… it´s not that.  
\- What is it? What?  
\- I don´t know Josh…   
\- OK… maybe I´m rushing things…  
\- Rushing would mean that eventually I´ll get to the point you want me to get… and I´m not even sure there IS a point  
\- There is a point, Donna.   
\- Again… for you there is. What if there´s no end game for me in all this?  
\- You said you wanted a life.  
\- Yeah…. I do. And I wanted it with you. Five years ago, Josh.  
A silence floaded the room.   
\- OK… I just wanted to say I´m sorry for today. And I´m sorry for 5 years ago.  
\- You are?   
Josh kept silent, and wondered what the correct answer was.  
\- I´m sorry I hurt you. But… it´s what I had to do. I saw no other choice back then. And… i´m trying to ammend everything and I know I´m late but … I love you, and I love Lily, and …  
\- You thought I would go after you right?   
\- I guess I did, yeah.   
\- That I´d follow you, and be with you? Me and Lily?  
\- Yes  
\- Ha… I told you I wouldn´t.  
\- Yes, you did. I thought you wouldn´t break the family?  
\- I broke the family? That´s rich…  
\- No, Donna… I know I did this, it´s… I´m sorry, you know what I´m saying  
\- Yeah. You though I would drop everything and go with you?  
\- Yeah.   
\- And then you though you would come back and just start again where we left of?  
\- Donna…  
\- You think I didn´t move on with my life? I know you did...  
\- What´s that suppose to mean?  
\- You slept around, I did too  
\- OK, look… I don´t want to know, so please…  
\- No, really, Josh… I dated. It was over for me. It took a while, it was over for me. And it was for you  
\- No, it wasn´t. It´s still not over for me. Are you out of your mind?  
\- Josh… we need to stop doing this ok? we can´t talk this on the phone, and I can´t see you right now. So let´s just drop it ok?  
\- Donna… ok, listen to me. We need to talk this through. We are good at it, we talk out everything. We need to.  
\- We will, but not know ok? See you later, Josh.


	19. A new life

\- Hey  
\- Donna… what…  
\- I know. I brought dinner. Do you want to have dinner with me? I brought burgers – she pushed herself in, leaving Josh frozen by the door, totally perplexed – but maybe we can get something else? We are getting old for this shitty junk food don´t you think?  
\- Donna?  
\- Yeah – she turned to face him  
\- Do you maybe want to tell me what´s going on? Is everything OK?  
\- Yeah, totally  
\- Ok  
\- You can stop freacking out  
\- Doubt it – Josh closed the door and started walking towards the kitchen – So you brought dinner?  
\- Yeah  
\- You assumed I was home with no plans? – he replied, with a smug face.  
\- Oh God… yes, yes I did… oh God, I´m so sorry  
\- Donna… - he chuckled – Relax, I was grading papers  
\- Right… look, if this is a bad time…  
\- Donna… sit down… do you want some wine? I don´t have white though  
\- Red is OK  
Josh took the food from Donna´s hands and set it in the small table by the TV. Donna took of her coat. Josh looked at her, trying to understand what exactly was going on. He grabbed a bottle of wine and poured two glasses. Dire Straits could be heard from somewhere in the apartment.  
\- Here – he handed the glass to Donna, who had sat down by the table  
\- Thanks  
\- So how did you now where I lived?  
\- CJ  
\- Right… that traitor. She could have warned me. I would have cleaned the place…  
\- It´s pretty neat… it´s nice, actually.  
\- Yeah… i´m a changed man. Living alone does that to you – he cringed after those words  
\- I figure. I talked to Lily today…  
\- Yeah? Everything OK?  
\- Yeah… she´s doing great  
\- That´s good… she maybe coming home for summer right?  
\- I think that will depend on what Huck does. Huck is graduating in a couple of weeks.  
\- Right, right… God I hope she… I hope she doesn´t feel pressured into anything, I mean…  
\- She won´t. She´s smart. We taught her well  
Josh contemplated what Donna said. Donna had taken that road, following a guy´s dream. And then, when she was tempted to do it again, she had stood up for herself. In setting that example, Lily had learnt that women stood for themselves, and their decisions matter, always. Donna looked around the apartment, and caught a glimpse of a small shelf, with pictures. One with Lily in his arms, when she was maybe 1 year old. One of his parents and Joanie. And another one of the whole senior staff, during Bartlet´s second inauguration, all dressed up after Will had been offered the job at the comunicaction staff. Charlie and Margaret where there too. And so was she. There was another small picture, a Little bit behind election night, Santos for President. Leo had died that day, and the pictured showed Helen and Matt Santos, Ronna, Bram, Lou, Donna and Josh in a big arm chair at the President´s Suite. Donna was nuggled in Josh arms, and he was holding her tight. Her eyes were closed, and Josh had been caught looking at her, lovingly.   
\- Why are you here Donna?  
\- What? You don´t enjoy my company?  
\- You know I do, Donna. Come on…  
\- I know I said I didn´t want to talk. But the I realized… you wanted to talk, and that´s… new?  
Josh laughed hard. Of course that was new  
\- No, really, I´m not messing around. That´s brand you in you… CJ was really surprised  
\- Yeah, I get it. I don´t know…  
\- You´re totally emotionally available  
\- Well.. let´s not push it, ok. Do you want to eat?  
\- Yeah  
Donna stood up and helped Josh set the table. The burgers were very good. When they finished, Josh washed the dishes, and Donna sat on a couch near a coffee table, where all the papers were spread out. The temptation was too much and she grabbed one of the papers  
\- This… Jenna person? A bit of a crush on the profesor don´t you think?  
\- Are you jealous? She´s 19. She´s basically Lily, Donna  
\- Lily is your daughter, Jenna is not your daughter. I would never end my essay with… “Professor Lyman I´m looking forward to hearing your imput on this”… God, the nerve…  
\- Donna, she´s Young, and opinionanted. I just hope she doesn´t get crushed in the real world  
\- I hope she gest a boyfriend her age. She´s 19? Hitting on a 60 year old college profesor?  
\- Donna… first of all, I´m 59. Second of all, she´s not hitting on me. She´s just passionate. She´s inspired. Be proud of me.  
\- I am proud of you, I told you many times, you are a great teacher  
\- Yeah… well…   
\- She writes well though – Donna kept reading  
\- Yeah… but I´m having a bit of trouble grading her. She´s full of passion but that´s it. She needs to be pragmatic. And I want to get that in her head, in all of their heads really, and it´s a very difficult thing to do without crushing them  
\- Breaking their hearts?  
\- Yeah  
\- But isn´t it a time to be inspired, without pragmatism? College is the time for big ideas, and idealisim, and dreaming, and getting a bite of every part of the world and…  
\- Taste it?  
\- Yeah… - she laughed – and see what you like? What YOU don´t, what YOU can change, how YOU can change it. I didn´t have that experience. I finished college being a full grown adult, I had a kid… and I saw every class with a pragmatic, realist set of glasses… I wish I´d been more free to think and be bold  
\- You were bold when you were in the White House, with President Bartlet. You were never shy for out of the box ideas…  
\- Yeah, but you encouraged them….You got two supreme court judges apointed because of my mom´s cookies  
\- I thought we agreed we would never speak of that again  
\- I had an education at the White House. But I needed my degree.  
\- I was so proud of you that day. Lily was too. Everyone, really.  
\- Yeah… and you all were very supportive too.   
\- You earnt that  
\- Still  
\- Donna… you said you wanted to talk? Can we drop Jenna for a minute here?  
She laughed. She didn´t know where to start. She hadn´t planned this through. She exhaled loudly and tried to gather her thoughts.  
\- I wanted to tell you, that these years were very hard for me. And I know why you left for Sam. And I understand that decision, and I respect it, in a way. And I know, I really know… that you loved me so much then. And you loved Lily, and the life we had, and that you wanted this simple, and amazing life here in LA – she shut he reyes in an effort to control her emotions. I guess I´m trying to say that I know there´s no doubt on my part… love was never an issue here  
Josh opened his mouth, but Donna stopped him with her hand  
\- Let me get this out, or I´ll die, really. I never doubted you. Ever. And maybe that´s why it feels that this, what we have, is never quite over, because … you loved me, I know you do. And I… loved you. But …  
Donna dropped her eyes to the floor, she didn´t want to cry but her will would most likely betray her in a few minutes  
\- You can´t live out of love alone. I need touching, and projects, and words, and friendship. And most of all I need to feel I´m a first choice, an only choice. I wanted to matter, to be important. To be important enough for you, that you would say no to duty, to your brother, to the country. And I really thought, after all we´d been through, that you would chose me. You´d commit to me. That I was the most important person in the world for you. Thank God for Lily, Lily was always first, and I cherrish that, you are the best father. Ww are good parents, but I wanted to be a couple. I wanted to … I know it´s selfish, I know it´s petty. I wanted to be chosen. And i thought you would.   
\- And I didn´t.  
\- No, you didn´t. And that hurt so bad, Josh…  
\- Donna, if I ever…. I trully believed we would make it work. I really did. I thought we could do anything together. I wish I´d knew you felt like that.  
\- How didn´t you?  
\- There was no time to think… Dona… it was a presidential race, you know that…  
\- Josh, it was your life  
\- I didn´t see it like that. I didn´t know I was betting my life on that choice  
\- I told you I wouldn´t go  
\- I didn´t want you to come. I wanted you to visit, I´d visit, I´d made it work…  
\- And what is that? A long distance marriage?  
\- We weren´t married, Donna  
\- And how´s fault is that? – she yelled  
Donna started crying. And Josh stared at her, with his mouth open.   
\- What would have changed? We were together, for Christ sake…  
\- Are you saying you´ve left if we were married? No way… nothing was tiying you here – she stood up. Josh grabed her wrist and she froze  
\- Don´t you dare leave… don´t you dare Donna. We need to do this, we need to have this conversation. We didn´t have it five years ago, and it broke us. Donna, please stay.  
She turned and looked at him. She shook her arm so as to let him know that his hand in her wrist was not welcomed. Her mouth was dry and she felt anger through her body.   
\- Why is this so important? It´s all fucked up now…   
\- No, it´s not. Donna….I don´t believ that, I don´t accept that.   
Donna left the living room, and went into the small kitchen. She opened one of the cabinets, looking for a mug, but didn´t seem to be finding what she was looking for.  
\- What in God´s name are you looking for right now? – Josh stood up and joined her in the kitchen.   
\- A mug. I want tea.  
\- I don´t have tea.  
\- Coffee then.  
Josh silently opened a cabinet and grabed two mugs. He heated a pot of coffee.  
\- What time is it?  
\- 11:35   
When the coffee was warm enought, Josh poured both mugs. He poured some milk, two sugars for her, one for him. The whole process was so automatic and rehearsed, so natural and familiar. Josh handed her the mug in silence. Donna looked into his eyes.  
\- Thanks – she whispered  
\- I don´t want to fight … with you.   
She sipped the coffee, bit by bit.  
\- This is nice. I needed coffee.  
\- You know I love you right?   
\- Josh – she whispered, and shut her eyes – Don´t do that…  
\- It´s not a “move” Donna.  
\- I know, I can´t…. though  
\- OK   
Josh walked to the living room and sat on the couch again. His eyes fixed on his feet. He could feel that there was so much between them. Still. So raw and so real. But there was so much pain as well, and resentment.   
Donna looked at Josh, looked through his apartment. There was something familiar with this place, it reminded her of his office at the Oval, those first years, the mess, the papers, the smell. Dark, small glimpses of light, so Josh. She chuckled. It was so strange. It was 1999 all over again. She was a Young naive woman all over again… following a Smart man, a smug, petulant, idealistic boy-child… workaholic, commited, stuborn, burguer loving man. She contemplated this man now, sitting in that couch, shrugged into a ball, eyes on the floor, mug in a coffee table. Grey riseading hair, rough beard and bold determination. Smart, smug, petulant, idealistic man. He was in pain, she could sense it.   
She was tunned to him.  
Donna set the mug in the kitchen, and slowly exited the small kitchen. Josh lifted his eyes and found her, standing near the couch, looking at him. He sighted, and held his gaze. She stood there, looking at him.   
Josh stood up and slowly approached her. He tilted his head and pulled a strain of her hair behind her ear. His thumb caressed her cheek and took one small tear. He heard her sob, even if she was trying very hard to hold her pain. He swalloed a gulp and tried to find her eyes again. He could feel her warm breath in his face, in his heart. He grabbed one of her hands and placed it in his chest. She could feel his heart, and his pan. She could feel his regret, his hope, and his love. She put her forehead against his forehead, and took a breath.  
\- I´m so scared – she said  
\- I am too  
Donna took a loud breath, trying to control her years. Josh took both of his hands and cupped her face. He lifted his head and looked into he reyes, once again.  
\- I can´t live like this anymore, Donna. I need you to forgive me. Please, please, please, let me in. I´m so sorry… I can´t stand seing you in pain, knowing I did this… Donna, please…- he cried   
Donna couldn´t hold it in anymore, and cried oudly now. It was all too much.   
\- I don´t want to love you – she whispered  
\- God… that´s awfull… God…  
\- I don´t want to love you, I don´t, I love you, and I don´t want to, you did this thing and it doesn´t matter because I love anyway, what that does say of me, God…  
Josh brushed his lips on her, asking for permission for this intrusión. This Kiss was soft and simple, quiet. They both closed their eyes. Josh opened them first and caught Donna opening hers. The second Kiss… that was different. Her hands were in his waist, his hands in her hair. He could smell her perfume and feel the warmth of her body near his. He took it all in. But suddenly, he felt that this was maybe going a bit fast for them… and he needed her not to regret this later.  
\- Donna, I need you to believe when I say that I´m sorry, and I´m here and I´ll be here, and I want to be with you now, and forever, and care for you, and fight with you, and eat and sleep every night with you… and I need you, I don´t want to live without you… I love you, I love you – he dropped small kisses in her lips, her cheeks, her nose – I love you. I want us to travel, I want us to read, I want us to spoil our grandchildren, I want us to get a dog, I want to marry you. I want you for the rest of my life, I want to grow old…  
\- Older  
\- I was on a row here  
\- I´m sorry  
\- I want to sleep with you every night, forever. I want to wake up with you every day, I want us to talk, all day, every day, talk until our tongues hurt…  
\- We´ve done that  
\- Yeah… I want everything. Can we have everything?  
Donna laughed and cried at the same time. Was that even possible? Yes, yes it was.   
\- I´m giving you my heart here. You carry it in your hands, Josh. It´s yours OK? Please, don´t let me down, Josh  
\- I won´t – he kissed her, and cried with her.   
She returned the Kiss, and hugged him, her arms around his neck, playing with his hair. He entangled in his waist, taking it all in.   
\- I think you should go, Donna. I´ll take you home. Let´s do this right, OK? Please don´t change your mind… please.   
\- I won´t.


	20. A new life

Cell phone buzzed at 9:30 AM. Donna grabbed it, saw the message and smiled. 

“Hi, you up?”

Josh waited eagerly for his cell phone to buzz. He´d been wondering for a couple of hours if they´d made the right choice going home yesterday. He wondered if Donna had changed her mind. But most of all… he just wanted to see her again.

“for a while. Morning”

“Morning. Breakfast?”

“Sure. Wanna come over?”

Damm.  
He couldn´t come. He couldn´t be alone with her right now. 

“It´s nice outside, I´ll pick you up in half an hour”

“done”

Josh quickly grabbed his jacket and sun glasses. The day was beautiful, and being a Sunday, not that many people were outside. He made it to Donna´s on time. She was waiting for him outside. He lowered the window and called for her-  
\- Well, good morning Donnatella and that beautiful spring dress you are wearing!  
She laughed, and made a little twirl. And then, got inside the car. She fastened her seatbealt.  
\- Wow…. You are all tied up there already? We can´t have you all tied up ... how would I do this? – and he moved near her and looked into her eyes, to see any aprehensión on her part. He brushed his lips on hers, both closing their eyes. 

She smiled once the kiss was over.

\- Hi  
\- Hi – he returned her smile – let´s go eat, shall we?  
\- We shall

Josh parked outside a small café. They made their way inside, he placed his hand in her lower back, just like old times, while holding the door open for her.  
They were seated near a window, one in front of the other. A waiter gave them their menus. 

\- I´ll have the waffles, with bacon, black coffee, and some orange juice  
\- I´ll have the egg and toast, with tomate, and orange juice it´s fine, thanks

The waiter left, and for the first time, they looked at eachother. They both smiled. Josh placed his hands on hers and looked at them.

\- How are you doing?  
\- Are you Joey?  
\- Ha. No. I was genually concerned about... what you are thinking  
\- I don´t know what I´m thinking. What are you thinking?  
\- What am I thinking? Boy… I don´t know… I know… I didn´t sleep much last night…  
\- Oh  
\- In a good way  
\- In a good way? Elaborate…  
\- I was thinking about you.  
\- Awwww  
\- No, really. I was scared you´d change your mind…  
\- I didn´t change my mind. Although I´m not sure if I said yes to anything… or agreed to anything…so I could change my mind?  
\- We didn´t stablished anything right?  
\- No, we didn´t. We said a lot, though  
\- Yeah.

The waiter brought the food, and promised to check on them in a little while. The started in silence. Donna looked at Josh, contemplating opening her mouth…

\- So you want to know what I think?

Josh nodded in silence. 

\- I think… we need to talk about our time table, for “this”…  
\- A time table?  
\- Yeah. Do we tell Lily? Do we wait to see if there´s something to say? What about our friends? Do we date? Do we … I don´t know, I have lots of questions…  
\- All right  
\- he laughed \- Don´t you have questions?  
\- Well… yeah… but I guess we´ll figure it out right?  
\- Yeah… but we sort of never did that right? Ever?  
\- We did in Hawai…  
\- Yeah… but we talked two hours, and we were done. And I mean done, done  
\- Yeah… no talking, other activities  
\- Right…  
\- Snorkelling?  
\- Lots of lots of good, steamy… snorkelling  
\- So what? We date now?  
\- We could date. I can bring the woo.  
\- You should bring the woo, yeah…  
\- I do bring oustanding woo  
\- I bet you do

They smiled and burst in laughter

\- This is so weird  
\- Maybe

She stole a bite of his waffle.

\- Why didn´t you want to come over?

Josh froze for a minute, and then tried to chill.

\- Nothing in particular, The day was beautiful so I thought it would be nice to go outside…  
\- Josh…  
\- Donna?  
\- Joshua, Josh, Josh…  
\- Donna?  
\- Come on…

He exhaled loudly

\- Ok. I thought it would be safer to be outside  
\- In public?  
\- Yeah… - he whispered  
\- Right  
\- It´s not that I don´t want to…  
\- Right…  
\- It´s just that it may be a little too rushed?  
\- Right  
\- Stop saying “right”… I´m not … “having a nutty”  
\- I´m speechless, Josh.You are being all mature and stuff  
\- Shut up – he exhaled and continued with his coffee

After a silence, she opened her mouth… taking a few moments to think what to say

\- We should take it slow  
\- Yeah?  
\- Yeah. We should.  
\- OK, I think you are right  
\- You do?  
\- Yeah… - he snorted – I will want to die every damm minute, but I think you are right, yeah. We´ll take it slow.

Donna drunk a zip of her orange juice without taking her eyes of him

\- What? – Josh almost spitted his waffles  
\- I´m just wondering how on earth I´ll cope with wanting to jump you every time I see you….

And now, Josh did spit his waffles

\- Oh my God… Donna! – he whined  
\- What? I was joking… to lighten the mood…  
\- Donna.. that´s was …  
\- I´m sorry. It´s true, though

They laughed for a while. It was a nice development they settling in a simple, familiar relationship. They were going back and forth… they were having fun

\- Talking about dating… you are going to CJ´s birthday right?  
\- Yeah…  
\- Do you want to… come with me?  
\- As your date? Your “plus one”?  
\- Yeah…  
\- Yeah… totally.  
\- Good  
\- Will you rent a limo?  
\- Ha, very funny.  
\- No… Josh… it´s nice. Of course I´ll go with you  
\- Heads up though…I´m wearing a tux, I don´t want you to get all jumpy there...  
\- I´ll get in my zen mood, Joshua. I´ll keep my hands to myself.  
\- I´m just saying…Me in a tux...you know what does to you right? Hey...Maybe you can wear that read dress…  
\- Oh Josh… I can´t pull that off anymore… I´m almost 50.  
\- So what?  
\- Men age well. Women, not so much.  
\- I disagree. You look beautiful. So does CJ, so does Andie…  
\- Yeah, but my back… no. I´m a mom.  
\- Oh God… that´s just so not the issue.  
\- I don´t feel confortable to parade my bare back like… that  
\- If you do not feel confortable, that´s fine… but don´t give me that I´m you a mom, I´m 50 or whatever crap… you are beautiful, elegant and amazing. You can wear whatever you want, no matter what and you´d be dashing, because it´s you  
\- Joshua Lyman, bringing the woo  
\- Guilty. It´s true, you know?  
\- Thanks. I´ll see about the dress.  
\- Good.


	21. a new life

\- So you slept together?  
\- No,CJ…no we didn´t  
\- You…kissed?  
\- Well…yeah.  
\- Pretty PG-13 for a couple of grownups right?  
\- CJ…we barely talked for 5 years. This is huge for us  
\- Ok… - CJ was not convinced  
\- We are going together to your birthday  
\- Ha… as a couple? Wow… what are you wearing?  
\- He asked me to wear a specific red dress I have, he loves it  
\- Really?   
\- I tried it on the other day. I can´t pool it off, really. I´ll save it for some other time.  
\- You should give it to Lily  
\- Maybe I will – she laughed  
Donna continued with the sauce she was making for Pasta Night at Danny and Cj´s.   
\- You know I had “the talk” with Lily the other day  
\- The talk? She´s …18!  
\- She and Huck were planning to… you know  
\- Oh. They hadn´t already?  
\- I thought the same thing. But you know Lily.  
\- Yeah…well…good for Huck  
\- Yeah… I love him  
\- He´s a gentleman. He´s poetic…. He´s a Ziegler  
\- Yes, he is.  
\- Who´s poetic? – said Toby, coming in the kitchen with a bottle of wine in his hand.  
\- Your son and amazing son in law  
\- Ouch – he cringed  
\- Hey! That´s my daughter, thank you very much.  
\- It´s not that, you know I…. of course I adore her…it´s… they are so…  
\- In love? – whispered CJ  
\- Yeah. And young. And naïve.  
\- Let them be – said Josh, coming in  
\- Who are you and what did you do to Joshua Lyman? -said Donna  
\- They are in love right? And when you are in love you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible….or something like that  
\- You are quoting “When Harry met Sally?” – Donna shouted  
\- Well…yeah! It´s a very pivotal movie for me – Josh stood next to Donna and gave her a small kiss on her lips.  
\- Is this new? – Toby whispered CJ  
\- Brand new. Leather smell in cars, new.  
\- Should I be worried?  
\- Hard to tell…  
\- Hey – Josh told Donna  
\- Hey yourself. I guess we are telling people – Donna stared at Josh  
\- We said we´d figure it out. Like you didn´t tell CJ  
\- Hey… don´t mess with the sisterhood -Toby said  
They all laughed and joined Andie and Danny in the dining room for Pasta Friday.  
After they were done, they relaxed on the couch.  
\- I´m 59 – said CJ, whining  
\- Next week my love  
\- I miss my youth  
\- What do you miss?  
\- College…My strength, my spirit, the adventures. Not having to take a long weekend to get over a hangover…  
\- College?  
\- Well yeah, high school even…  
\- I know what we can do! – Donna shouted, standing up  
\- Donna, you may want to take it a little slow… you are tipsy – said Josh  
\- I´m not tipsy. I´m happy  
\- OK…  
\- Will you let me talk? My idea is great. Let´s play “spin the bottle”!  
Everyone looked at her. In silence. The idea had tanked.  
\- Let´s play “Seven minutes in heaven”  
Bad idea. Bad Bad idea.  
\- Let´s play “Never have I ever”  
\- Now you are talking, Kid. Let´s stick to wine or we´ll have that thing with the hangover– said CJ. She stood up and grabbed a new bottle of wine.  
\- CJ… - Toby whinned  
\- Oh come on Tobus…it´s a chance to get to know eachother  
\- We´ve known each other for over 20 years, CJ  
\- You don´t know everything about me  
\- Or me -said Andie  
\- Game on – said Toby, smoking his cigar  
\- OK, ground rules. I start, we´ll go clock wise. You drink if you haven´t done it,be truthfull or I´ll know. Make it fun, none of the amateur bull… and if someone asks for details, you speak, no holding back. Agreed?  
They all nodded  
\- Oh I´m excited – Donna said  
\- You never played this?  
\- I was almost 40 when I was in college, Josh.  
\- OK… I´ll start… never have I ever …stole something? -said CJ  
They all took a zip….   
\- Congresswoman Wyatt…  
\- I told you you didn´t know everything about me – said Andie seductly  
Toby just smoked his cigar, staring at her  
\- Ok, my turn. Never have I ever saw one of the people here naked. Hey,no your mates,people…  
They all looked at eachother  
\- How naked?  
\- Interesting stuff, Josh  
Josh, Toby, Donna drunk  
\- Donna?  
\- I saw Cj´s boobs once  
\- Me too – said Josh  
\- Me too – said Toby  
\- WHAT? – CJ shouted while they laughed loudly  
\- You had a dress malfunction once in an Inaugural ball. They were spectacular, my friend. Congrats Danny – said Josh  
\- They sill are. Thank you.  
\- What about you? – said CJ, looking at Toby  
\- CJ? Really?   
\- Oh  
\- I can´t believe you forgot  
\- I didn´t forget, I just didn´t think we were… talking about it?  
\- About what? – said Josh  
\- Toby and Cj almost slept together – said Andie  
\- Almost? – Donna said- I always assumed…  
\- It didn´t happen. But, yes, he did see one boob  
\- Boobs, CJ  
\- All right boobs. This is weird. God.  
\- Hey you wanted to play….- said Danny, laughing  
\- It pays being honest with your partners, I believe – said Josh, zipping from his glass  
\- OK… my turn – said Andie -never have I ever… smoked weed?  
They all drunk, except Donna  
\- Oh Donna…  
\- Again… I was almost 40 when I went to College  
\- Never have I ever… kissed someone from the same sex? – Toby said  
CJ drunk. They all laughed and screamed  
\- Hey… I said I missed College, right?  
\- My love…. You ´ll have to tell me everything about it, later  
\- I will  
\- OK… my turn – said Donna – never have I ever … I don´t know what to ask!  
\- Hey… your idea, Honey – said CJ – let´s change to Truth or Dare. I´ll go. Truth or Dare, Donna?  
\- Dare  
\- Really? Ok… tell us without naming names, the best orgasm you ever had.  
Josh coughed and took a zip. Donna blushed.  
\- CJ – she whined  
\- Honey, we are having fun…everyone saw my boobs here…come on  
\- All right – Donna took a zip of her glass – Ok. Umm… a real good orgasm? It´s been a while…hmmm… ok… there was this guy I was dating. I was very young. We´d slept together a bunch of times, all amazing times… all productive times… if I may say so… but we had never sort of gotten to the oral part of the understanding.   
\- Right… -said CJ  
\- And one night, we were in bed, and he started kissing me, and kissed my breasts, and kissed my stomach, and my navel…he was obsessed with my navel…  
Josh was looking at her with a fierce intensity, his head tilted to the side. Donna stared at her glass and kept going.  
\- And he looked at me, asking for permission. I know he was asking me If he could go further…and I´d never done that. It was my first time and he was always a gentleman ,and that´s was so… And I was shy, but I really wanted to. And he stared at me for the longest time. And without breaking eye contact, he kissed me… down there. And he looked at me all the time…he never stopped looking at me, connecting with me… he wanted to make sure I was OK, and I was enjoying myself, and willing to stop at any time…  
Donna lifter her eyes and looked at Josh. Josh gave her a small smile.   
\- I was so young. It was… mind blowing? And he kept going, and going, and I didn´t know I could feel that. More than once. This guy knew what he was doing, for sure. And it was… amazing.   
She smiled and inhaled loudly  
\- So That´s my story.   
\- All right…. Joshua….?  
\- I´ll ask – said Danny – Truth or Dare?  
\- Truth  
\- Ok… I was wishing for dare… but any way… Tell the truth…How many women have you slept with?  
\- OH God… - said Donna  
Josh laughed… Danny… so funny, Danny.  
\- Are we talking numbers? Range?  
\- Anything you like  
\- Are we taking bets? – said Josh  
\- Oh we are – said Toby - $ 10 dollars more than 20  
\- $ 20 more than 40 – said CJ  
\- $ 25 says 15 – said Danny  
\- $ 100 says 7 -said Donna  
Josh opened his eyes and stared at her  
\- are you a PI?  
\- OH God…. Seven? I´m right?  
\- Seven it is. How did you know?  
\- Well… there´s Mandy, Amy, maybe two more before Mandy in college? , that´s four, me, that´s five… and maybe two more while we were broken up? – whispered Donna  
\- I hate that you know me so well  
\- You love it  
\- I feel… there´s no mistery around me  
\- None… i´m tunned to you, babe.


	22. a new life

\- Hey  
\- Just wanted to check you got home OK  
\- Ow…that´s sweet, I did, thanks  
\- Great.   
\- Did you stay long?  
\- No… just a couple of minutes. Danny wanted to run something about his book opening with me. But CJ just went to sleep the minute you guys left  
\- Oh yeah…she was pretty tipsy  
\- Yeah  
\- Hey… but I texted you when I got home… right? I did, right?  
\- Busted… I wanted to hear the sound of your voice  
\- Josh….  
\- Yeah… lame right?  
\- Not at all. So are you beat?  
\- Not really…   
\- Me either… I´m… anxious?  
\- About what?  
\- I don´t know. I was making tea to just… chill.  
\- That might work…  
\- Not really… but I´ll try anyway  
\- What are you so anxious about?  
\- I…don´t know  
\- We used to talk everything through right?  
\- Yeah… but I don´t know  
\- Try. It may help.  
\- It´s silly really…  
\- Donna…  
\- I mean… it felt good today… all of us together… laughing and having a good time…it was nice… I had fun  
\- Yeah… me too.  
\- And I didn´t want that to end… I would´ve stayed forever at CJ´s  
\- That would´ve gotten everyone in a looooot of trouble  
\- Maybe… but when was the last time we all had so much fun together? And CJ was kind of depressed about her birthday… we made her laugh…  
\- That´s true, yeah. I don´t get why she´s depressed though… really. She´s amazing, smart…. She´s gorgeous… she´s happy. She has everything ahead of her  
\- Well yeah….but even if you are having lots of fun in your life… every year that goes by it´s a step closer to the end of it all right?  
\- Well… now who´s depressed?  
\- Josh… really…  
\- Donna… come on… don´t get dragged into this… really  
\- OK…. I won´t.  
\- You have a great life  
\- I do  
\- You had lots of fun  
\- I did  
\- You´ll have a lot of fun in the big bright long future ahead of you…  
\- I will  
\- The kid is out of the house…  
\- She is  
\- And if nothing of that works…. Think of me. I´ll be 60 in a couple of months and I´m a stud  
\- Yeah… you are. But men age well. And you practically changed your whole life a couple of months ago.   
\- So?  
\- So you are invigorated   
\- Ha… that´s funny  
\- And you have students who have crushes on you…  
\- I am quite something  
\- You are  
They remained silent for a while. It was not ackward… but the tension was palpable.  
\- Donna…  
\- You want to go to sleep?  
\- No…let´s talk some more. You really have an amazing voice.  
\- Ok   
Josh contemplated for a second what he wanted to say.   
\- I … I was asking for permission that day.  
Donna opened her mouth, and not a word would go out.   
\- I didn´t want to make you uncomfortable but… I just… it was… Jesus… why do I feel so…  
\- It´s ok, Josh…  
\- What I guess I´m saying is…I´m glad you felt OK about it  
\- You didn´t know I was OK about it until now? – she laughed  
\- No… I mean…of course I know everything was OK but…  
\- So you are glad?  
\- Ok… now you are mocking me  
\- No… Josh… that´s … very gentleman of you?  
\- Yeah… I´m great  
\- Josh…  
\- What? – he exhaled  
\- You need to know… that that moment was amazing for me… I knew you were amazing, of course I knew that, and I knew you respected me, and loved me even…  
\- I did. I do.  
\- But… in that moment… you being …  
\- A gentleman?  
\- Well… yeah…but… God… it´s hard for me too… you were… putting me first, my well being first… and I knew you would stop if I said the word…no one had ever done that for me… in that circumstance at least… and that made everything even… more… amazing? I don´t know…  
\- That´s OK Donna…  
\- Josh…really it made a difference for me, it really did… I felt completely secure with you… and I didn´t know that that was even possible… I felt at home with you… and willing to…go anywhere…   
\- Donna…  
\- And it was not only that….you kept looking at me… the whole time… I can´t believe I´m… you kept looking at me… you never dropped… it was as if we were…it was so …primal in a way… we were connected, I know it sounds insane… but in a way… you felt part of me… and it was always like that with you … there was so much more… than just being together in that moment… and I think it´s one of the things I missed most about you all these years… I really missed you… I get that now… I miss you now… I wish you were here now…  
Josh swallowed a lump. He tilted his head, still holding his cell phone with his right hand, and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and tried to collect himself.  
And then, Donna heard a soft knock at her door.   
\- I think I hear someone at the door…   
\- Donna…  
And Donna slowly walked to the door. And drew the curtain a little bit to see if someone was there.  
And there he was. It was Josh at the door.  
Donna froze at her sight, still holding her cell phone in her ear, mouth opened, struck.  
\- Donna, open the door – he whispered  
Donna opened the door, slowly, still holding her cell phone in her ear, struck.  
\- Donna… I´m gonna let go now, ok?  
\- Bye – she whispered, and hung up  
Donna stood by the door, looking at him. Josh put away his phone, and took both his hands out of his pockets. He looked at her, intensely, but stood standing, waiting. Waiting for her OK, for her permission. Once again, respecting her time. He swallowed a lump, nervously, but never dropping his gaze.  
He saw the determination in her eyes, a small change. She had made her decision.   
She held her hand and brushed his fingers. She interwined her fingers with his, and pulled slightly, welcoming him. He dropped her hand and placed both hands in her face and kissed her hungrily. Her hands in his shirt pulling him closer and closer. He didn´t leave her face, he wanted to make sure she wasn´t disappearing, that she was his, after all this time. When they came back for air, they stared at each other, and she smiled softly. He exhaled loudly. They were home, once again. And with that, Donna held his hand once more, and pulled him to her bedroom. Josh closed the front door, and followed her.


	23. a new life

A glimpse of sunshine came through the window. Donna opened her eyes and stretched her arms. She turned around, looking for Josh, but he wasn´t there. For a second, she felt empty. Had he left? Was this a one night stand for him? It hadn´t seemed like that at all. Maybe she had read the signs wrong. Maybe it was too much for him to spend the night at their old home… or maybe he left to give her space… God… how many thoughts in a second. What time was it? 9:37 AM… wow… that was late for her… a good night sleep… maybe all she needed was sex to finally relax and sleep in? Who knew?  
Well…not sex. Amazing sex. Mind blowing sex. Sex with an ex, that knew her inside out. He knew what made her tick. Which bottons to press, what words to whisper.   
Donna exhaled and closed her eyes for a while. It had been a wonderful night.  
She craved coffee more than anything, so she got up and went to her bathroom, brushed her teeth and did her thing. She started climbing down the stairs, when she saw a figure sitting in the patio. She smiled to herself. She exhaled deeply. She was so happy to see him there. She hadn´t left.  
She stopped by the kitchen and was so thrilled to discover a fresh pot of coffee. She poured herself a cup, and inhaled the amazing hot smell. She walked slowly to the patio. He must have heard the steps, because he dropped the news paper for a second and turned his head. When he saw her, he smiled widely and watched her sit down by him.  
\- Hey Sleeping Beauty  
\- Hey – she smiled at him too.   
They stared at each other. Donna broke the gaze to sip her coffee.  
\- I see you found the coffee  
\- It´s heavenly  
\- I´m glad  
She looked to the garden, while enjoying her coffee. Josh dropped the newspaper for good, and took off his glasses.  
\- What´s wrong?  
\- Nothing – she whispered  
\- Ok  
She kept looking at the garden and drinking her coffee. Josh was not a patient man… even as a middle aged man, he did not do well with ackwardness…  
\- Are you having….   
\- What? – she turned her face  
\- Nothing… it´s nothing – he said, frustrated  
\- I thought you´d left  
Josh swallowed a lump. He inhaled deep.  
\- I´m sorry… did you want me to leave? – he whispered  
\- What? No… did you want to leave?  
\- No! – he answered a little loudly – Sorry… I thought …  
\- Josh, it´s fine…   
\- It´s fine? Donna… - he chuckled  
\- I hate that I thought you´d left and that got to me ok? I hate it. I hate to be here, again. – she said  
\- You are putting too much into this, Donna…  
\- How can I not, Josh? Why aren´t you? – she shouted and stood up.  
\- Donna, don´t freak out, please don´t do this – he pleaded  
\- Josh… you being all zen is not helping  
\- Donna… what is it?   
\- We slept together Josh…  
\- Well…yeah. I think we did more than that… didn´t we?  
Donna turned around and looked at him. He was sitting with his arms brazing the armchair.   
\- Donna… we did? Right?  
Donna turned her sight to the garden to hide the tears starting to build in her eyes. Josh stood up and slowly approached her. He grabbed her cup of coffee and settled it on the table. He placed one hand on her shoulder.  
\- Donna… look at me  
She turned.  
\- I thought we were on the same page… this is not a fling for me. It´s not some sort of hot revival… I love you. I want to be with you. We need to be on the same place or at least in that road. I´ll wait for you … as long as you need… but if you are not… if you don´t trust me… we can´t do this, I can´t do this… you need to be sure because… I don´t think I can lose you twice ok?   
Donna kept looking at him. She wanted to give him an answer but she couldn´t find the words. Josh grabbed her face and placed a small kiss on her forehead.   
\- I think I´m gonna go now, ok?   
\- Ok  
\- Call me later ok? Maybe we can grab something to eat?   
\- That´d be nice, yeah  
Josh grabbed his keys and wallet, took a last look at Donna and started walking to the door. He reached the door knob and froze.   
\- You know what? No – he shouted   
Donna turned around and looked at him, rushing to her side  
\- No. This gets settled today. If I go now, we won´t ever solve this. And we need to get through this. We need to try, Donna. Please.  
Donna couldn´t hold her tears anymore. Josh held her by her shoulders.   
\- Hey, don´t cry. We´ll work it out, ok? No one said this would be easy…. Hell… when was something easy for us?  
Donna laughed between tears. He did too.  
\- We can go as slow as we want… as long as we go in the same direction ok? Donna… we´ve been through everything together. We were shot, blew up, we worked our brains out… we raised a person, and we did a pretty amazing job there right?  
\- Yeah – she sniffed  
\- We can work this out… we need to talk it out. And if after all the talking and the shouting and the pain… if after all that we can´t make it, well… at least we gave it all ok? And we can go on as friends or whatever the kids call it these days.  
\- It really freaks me out when you are so mature… really.  
\- Well… therapy did its tricks, right? It had to pay off sometime…  
\- 20 years later…  
\- Nah… I never left therapy Donna… I was not that consistent during the campaigns, but it´s amazing what you can do thanks to the internet…  
\- I didn´t know that, Josh  
\- Well… like I said…many many times… you don´t know me that well anymore. I don´t know you either… see “this”? – and he waved his hand between them - you “freaking out” … I wouldn´t have guessed it in a million years Donna…  
\- Josh… you make it sound as if I´m a dumb crazy teenager with a meltdown  
\- I know you are not a dumb crazy hormonal teenager Donna… - he chuckled  
\- Well… it´s not funny  
\- I´m not saying that… I´m saying… you are more like a wounded animal. I hurt you. I knew i´d hurt you a lot. Now I can see first hand just how much. And you don´t trust me and I need to find a way for you to trust me…. Somehow at least.  
\- I trust you Josh….it´s just that I don´t want to…  
\- OK … - he exhaled - I´ll get some more coffee and something to eat and we´ll go through that because my head is going to explode.  
Donna sat outside again. Josh poured two cups, and grabbed some bagels. He joined her outside and gave her her share.  
\- How is it that after more than 20 years you trust me but you don´t want to trust me? It´s like the most “Donna wild thinking stravaganza” I´ve ever witnessed  
\- What´s that suppose to mean?  
\- It´s…. twisted!  
\- It´s not, Joshua. It´s pretty straight forward, if you ask me.  
Josh raised his eyebrows waiting for her to speak further.   
\- Josh… you took a chance on me when I was no one. We worked together forever. We´ve been under a lot of stress but somehow, during that whole ordeal, we fell in love. You had the worst record in relationships… but I could see you. I knew you. I got you.  
\- You did, yeah  
\- I thought I got Dr. Freeride as well.  
\- You lost me there  
\- I got Brian too, Josh. I thought I knew him. And he took me for granted. You were taking me for granted in TWH. So I left the job and got myself together right?  
\- Right…  
\- And when I felt we were equals we could make it work. And we had a commitment right?  
\- Right…  
\- And I was happy. So ready to live stress free, to enjoy Lily, no more long hours. So ready for my project with CJ. And you dropped a bomb on us. Not talking it over, nothing. You made a decision. As if I wasn´t even in the picture. Or worse…   
\- Donna… I told you I thought we could make it work. If I ever knew it would mean losing I would´ve stayed here.  
\- That´s the thing, Josh – she shouted – That´s exactly the thing. You expected nice Wisconsin Donna to say “oh honey, what a great opportunity for you and your pal in the White House. Don´t worry about it, see you every other weekend, but please go ahead”.   
\- Donna…  
\- You did, Josh. You did. And just now, I woke up, and you weren´t there and my heart sank. Again. It sank with Brian when I realized he had used me, it sank with you when you joined Sam´s campaign and it sank today when I thought you´d left. I´m the same naïve Donna from Wisconsin and it fucking hurts. So there… of course I trust you with my life, Josh. But I don´t want to, because I hate what that means for me.  
\- Ok  
Donna stared at Josh. She was full of hurt and anger.   
\- Do you have anything to say?  
\- I do. But i´m trying really hard to be careful  
\- Don´t be, for my sake.  
\- All right – and he stood up. He started pacing through the patio. Nervous and impatient again.  
\- You know what Donna? That´s … just… a lot of words Donna.   
\- Excuse me?  
\- You heard me. What a load of crap.  
He looked at her. She could see hurt and anger in his eyes too.   
\- So I made a choice. It was the wrong choice. Maybe I was selfish. Maybe I was dumb. Maybe politics was my drug and I was in an induced haze that clouded my judgment. But I made a choice and for me, that never meant leaving you behind. And it sure never meant leaving Lily behind. And I was there for both of you. You know that. But you are the one who left “us”. Because you didn´t like my choice. You shut down and just figured I was taking you for granted. So from then on … in your life…I was reduced to just being Lily´s dad. And it fucking hurt. How could you think that you meant that little to me? But I respected you, and your time and your anger, and your disappointment. And you knew I´d step up for Sam, so you didn´t even argue with me! That was so messed up, Donna…  
\- What the hell!  
\- Donna: you jumped ship – he shouted – you did, Donna. You so did. You wanted to be angry with me. You didn´t want me to go  
\- Of course I didn´t want you to go Josh  
\- I know that Donna. But we never talked about it  
\- What was there to talk?  
\- Everything Donna. Everything! – he shouted again – So I made a decision on my own. That was bad, I know. But we didn´t even fight about it. You just said “is that what you want?”, I said “I need to do this”, and you said “OK”. And that was it. And I called you every night, and you were stone cold. And I came back one day and put Lily to bed, and I came down and you said “where are you sleeping?”. At home, at my home, in my bed, with you! And it was then I figured I wasn´t sleeping in my bed or at home and that we were not together anymore, Donna. How sick is that?   
\- Fuck you, Josh! What did you expect from me, Josh?   
\- I expected you to talk to me. I thought we´d learnt about that. You did the same thing when you left for “Bingo Bob”!  
\- I wasn´t the one that left this family, Josh – she shouted  
\- Donna, I didn´t leave either. I never did…  
\- Yeah… you are right. You just left me! – and she started crying   
Josh froze and turned around. Donna was now sitting in the arm chair, holding her face with both hands, sobbing.


	24. a new life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter today, guys... sorry!

Seeing her crying and suffering was tearing Josh to pieces. It really was impossible for him to see her like that. But at the same time, he knew they needed to push through this If they wanted to make it to the other side. Things had never been easy for them, this was no exception.   
\- I don´t know what more you want from me, Josh. I´ve lived through you so long… it feels i´m going back and I deserve more.  
\- And you think I don´t? Donna…. I left TWH one week after you left. The only person I didn´t want to let down, was you. My mistake, I think, was to believe that you understood where I was, what I needed to do. Yes… I took that for granted but you completely blew everything out of proportion, Donna… you kicked me out.  
\- I did not…  
\- Donna…I came back one weekend, and you asked where I was planning to sleep.  
\- Yeah, so?  
\- Hello? Are you out of your mind?  
\- Joshua!  
\- Don´t Joshua me, Donna. I may have been dumb but it took us 5 years to talk about it!  
\- I don´t want to be a piece in your life puzzle, Josh!  
\- You are not a piece in a puzzle, Donna. You ARE the whole damm puzzle, don´t you get it? You don´t complete me, you are IT for me. You live through me? I breath because of you. – he sobbed   
Josh kneeled on the ground and sat in the floor against a wall, curling his knees together.   
\- You are scared to death, Donna. That´s all this is. And you know what? Me too. But I don´t fucking care. Because i´ll go all in right now, what are we waiting for? What is there to lose? Are you happy with how things are between us?   
\- No  
\- Well… me neither. What have you been doing? Have you been going on dates? Meeting people? I did. And the whole time I thought: “my God, I´m bored to death, where is the mindless trivia that cracks me up? Where´s my partner? Why am I not in LA?”.  
\- I dated a couple of guys… they were nice, and not of all of them were Republicans, Josh.  
\- The thought of you sleeping with someone else, makes me sick.   
\- Yeah, well…  
\- What scares me the most is that I´ll die someday Donna. I´ll grow old and if God is good to me, Lily will be holding my hand. And where are you in this picture? I want to be with you. I don´t care about Freeride, TWW, Sam… I don´t even care about you being scared. There´s no time for that anymore. We wasted 9 years, and now 5 more, Donna… who cares who´s fault is it? Be done with all this crap, for God´s sake.   
\- Josh…  
\- I don´t know what will happen, Donna. I may hurt you again. I don´t know for sure. What I can guarantee is that I won´t do it on purpose. How can I? I love you more than anything. Except Lily, I´m sorry about that.   
\- I love her more, too. Sorry.  
Donna looked at Josh and chuckled. He gave her a small smile.  
\- Do you want some lasagna? I have some left in the freezer  
\- I could eat.  
\- Okay  
He stood up and held her hands to help her up. She looked into his eyes and smile again. He gave her a kiss in her forehead and she closed her eyes. She dropped her head in his shoulder and he held her tight.   
\- I need to know about these two women you slept with, Josh  
\- OK  
\- I hope I don´t know them  
\- I don´t think you know them  
\- Still… i´m impressed you slept with only two…  
\- Donna… during the first 8 year at TWH, how many women did I date?  
\- Not that many  
\- My point, exactly.   
\- Poor Sam  
\- Yeah… I was beyond frustrated.  
\- You must have been unbearable.  
\- Pretty much  
\- Did you know only 35% of men believe sex is a suitable activity to decompress? Most prefer running   
\- Less Cosmo statistics, more lasagna, Donnatella.


	25. a new life

\- So you dated, right?  
\- Yes Josh, i´m a nice lady, you know?  
\- I know. But you just dated, right? Nothing too serious?  
\- Well…  
Josh opened his eyes and stared at her.  
\- Donna?  
\- Yeah?  
\- Do you maybe want to expand a little bit?  
\- What good would it bring?  
\- I want to know  
Donna contemplated the idea… maybe if they were “in the open”, so to speak…  
\- I had a few drinks with a friend of a classmate in College. An arquitect. It was nice. I was very nervous, because I hadn´t been on a date in decades. So we had drinks one night, then another night, and then dinner… it was OK.  
\- Republican?  
\- Worse… a-political. But he was cute. And again, I was out on the field once again, so it was good  
\- Trial wheels?  
\- Sort of, yeah.  
\- So what happened?  
\- Well… ironically…he wanted more. And I didn´t. He wanted a serious relationship.  
\- So you stopped seeing him?  
\- No  
\- I don´t follow  
\- We slept together for a while, until it became difficult for him, so we stopped. He´s a good guy. I think he´s married now…  
\- Donna…  
\- What? – she whined  
\- Don´t take this the wrong way, ok? But you just… slept with him?  
\- Pretty much, yeah.  
\- Ah… kay  
\- What?  
\- Nothing. So… someone else?  
\- Yeah. I did date a guy for over a year. Casually, but it was sort of steady. I never introduced him to Lily, though. But he met Cj and Danny.  
\- Oh – he cringed  
\- Relax. Democrat, so he had a good chance. The guys loved him.  
\- And what happened there?  
\- I didn´t love him. He loved me, though. It was rough letting him go. But at the end of the day, I wondered … “I´ve been dating this amazing guy for a year and I can´t get myself to introduce him to my daughter”. It was strange. And I knew it was over, by then.  
\- I´m not sorry… but I am, you know what I mean?  
\- Yeah  
They ate a bit of their lasagna in silence.  
\- So what about you? Tell me about these two amazing women in your life.  
\- You mean you and Lily?  
\- Ha Ha… funny boy  
\- The first was a waitress in a bar.  
\- What?  
\- Yeah. Lame. But good for a 50 year old right?  
\- Yeah. Was she a 20 year old?  
\- No. More 30ish  
\- Ok. Campaign fling?  
\- Nop.  
\- A bar where Josh?  
\- England  
\- Oh God… Josh… international dating?  
\- I don’t know Donna. Lily had a recital that day and I caught it on Facetime, ok? I was in a low place.  
\- I´m not judging Josh.  
\- I judge myself  
\- And then?  
\- And then… a political aide for the Arizona Senator. A lawyer. 42 years old. Divorced, no kids. Wasn´t interested in kids. All work. Very smart. Very witted…  
\- Wait!  
\- Oh god  
\- Wait  
\- Donna  
\- Wait… she´s a republican! Oh my God  
\- Donna…  
\- You are getting so much shit out of this  
\- I got a lot of shit from Sam. Who called Charlie. Who called Toby.  
\- This is the best news ever  
\- That your husband slept around with a very smart sexy woman?  
\- You slept with a republican. And you are not my husband, Josh.  
She laughed and laughed  
\- I can´t wait to tell CJ  
\- Donna… you can´t, really.  
\- You can´t do this to me, Josh. Really.  
\- Donna, it´s old news  
\- How old?  
\- We ended it when I went back from Lily´s graduation.  
\- Oh  
\- Yeah… “oh”.  
Donna waited for him to continue  
\- I didn´t want that anymore. It was… great for a while.  
\- What is “a while”?  
\- Three and a half years, give or take – he exhaled – she didn´t get that I was leaving DC.  
\- What didn´t she get?  
\- That I didn´t crave it anymore… that I was done. She couldn´t believe it. We talked a lot about it…  
\- You talked?  
\- Well… yeah… we didn´t just sleep together, Donna.  
\- Was she your girlfriend?  
\- No…  
\- Did she go with you to functions?  
\- No… she was… there. And I was there, too.  
\- That´s…  
\- Yeah… but it worked. Until it didn´t.  
\- And what did you talk to her about?  
\- Well… she talked, I explained. She didn´t get it. I wasn´t going to convince her. That was that.  
\- And you haven’t spoken to her ever since  
\- We spoke the day after the news came out. And then when I got to LA, she called. She wanted to know if everything was OK. And she said that the Republican party would welcome me with open arms if I wanted to go back to politics.  
\- That´s funny  
\- She´s… great. It´s a shame she´s a republican really. And as I said, It worked for me, for us I mean.  
Donna drank from her glass of wine and looked at him intensely.  
\- What? – Josh said  
\- So what you are telling me… is that you had a steady fuck buddy for a couple of years?  
\- That´s low Donna…  
\- I´m just saying… it must have been really good  
\- A gentleman doesn´t tell, Donna  
\- Well… a gentleman is not trying to get back with his wife…  
\- You are not my wife  
\- Yeah well. Technicalities  
\- A pretty big one if you asked me, but we´ll get into it some other time  
Donna looked at him again while Josh took a long gulp from his glass  
\- Donna… what?  
\- So how was she?  
\- This is sick  
\- You don´t want to know. I do.  
\- Why Donna?  
\- I don´t know. I think it may be sexy to know  
Josh spitted part of his wine  
\- Oh Josh, keep it together will you?  
\- Donna… did you turn into a kinky sex goddess while I was away?  
\- You know I didn´t…  
\- Well…  
\- Because I always was  
Josh opened his mouth, surprised.  
\- I was – Donna whined  
\- You are indeed  
Donna smiled. And Josh grinned. They were bantering again. That was good.  
\- So… how was she?  
\- Ah…kay – he exhaled – she was great, really.  
\- Details would kill you?  
\- We were good together, at first it was really electrifing, with the chase and the sneaking around. We didn’t need to share anything, so it was convenient. But it was like… going to the gym? I mean is good to you, and you know you need it and all, but you sort of dread it because it´s really not what you want to be doing  
\- You don´t want to be having regular sex?  
\- Regular meaningless sex? With someone I don´t talk or share a meal? No, not anymore. Not for a while. Don´t get me wrong, of course I cared about her. She´s an amazing woman. But she´s not…  
\- Ah..kay  
\- Sam was thrilled when I started sleeping with her, my mood improved considerably.  
\- Oh… I bet. I remember sex deprived white house Josh…  
\- They tell me he´s hard to deal with  
\- Yeah, pretty much  
Donna stood up to get the dishes to the kitchen. Josh took both glasses and joined her  
\- So was it OK to know about … you know…  
\- About your sex life?  
\- Yeah  
\- Yeah  
\- That´s …. Good?  
\- We´ll see  
Josh laughed.  
\- Do you want coffee?  
\- Yeah… I´ll load the dish washer. You make coffee  
When Donna was done, Josh handed her a cup. He leaned into a kitchen cabinet.  
\- Electrifiying sex you said?  
\- I should have figured you would get hanged up to that  
\- Electrifiying is a big word, Josh  
\- Electrifiying is good  
\- I guess  
\- I agree with you. There are better alternatives  
\- Oh yeah?  
\- Yeah  
\- Do tell  
\- I don´t know… awesome?  
\- Right…  
\- Amazing? – he placed his cup on the counter  
\- Yeah… - Josh took small steps to her  
\- Hot?  
\- Well…  
\- Hot is not a fair word, I know – he took her cup from her hands and placed it on the counter  
\- No….  
\- What about … earth shattering? – Josh placed a kiss on her neck. She closed her eyes and moved her head to a side to grant him more access.  
\- An earthwake may be dangerous don´t you think? – she whispered  
\- Dangerous is not always bad you know? – his kisses descended to her throat while his hands explored her arms…  
\- Mind-blowing? – she exhaled, with her hands in his back  
\- Yeah… that´s better. Can you tell when your mind is being… blown?  
\- I think so… yeah- she swallowed a gulp. Josh started kissing her jaw, and cheeks. His hands were everywhere – can you? – she whispered  
\- Yes  
\- Yes?  
\- The things I want to do to you, would definetelly blow my mind.  
\- Well…if I let you, you mean  
\- I think you should let me, trust me on this  
\- I may need more detailed explanations to know what to… expect  
\- Wouldn´t you prefer to be… surprised?  
\- I don´t like surprises  
\- You want me to tell you what I´ll do to you step by step  
\- Pretty much yeah  
\- I would rather show you…  
\- What if I don´t like it?  
\- I don´t think that´s gonna happen, no  
\- OK then  
\- Can we stop talking now?  
\- Yeah


	26. a new life

\- I fell asleep – Josh said struggling to open his eyes

\- Yeah, me too. It was a nice nap, though.

\- What time is it?

\- Almost 7

\- Oh my God

\- Yeah…. I´m so relaxed… I can´t move – Donna places one of her hands on Josh´s chest

\- I don´t want to move

\- I missed this – she cuddled him, resting her head in his shoulder

\- What did you miss?

\- All of this – Donna closed her eyes 

\- Yeah… I missed all of this too. I like waking up with you – Josh placed a small gentle kiss on her head

\- You know what I missed the most? I missed your warmth. You are so warm, all the time. And your voice when you wake up is amazing. I used to love doing your wake up calls just to hear that velvety husky low Josh voice… it´s so…it´s quite something

Josh inhales loudly, opens his eyes and hold Donna tighter  
\- I missed your skin. You are soft and smooth and I want to kiss every milimeter – Josh starts to drop small ghost kisses – I missed your freckles  
\- Oh I hate them  
\- I know you do, but I love them so we are keeping them – Josh turned and smiled at Donna for a second, only to start kissing her cheeks, and shoulders, and arms – I love your back, and your arms, your neck  
\- Josh – she whispered  
\- Yeah?  
\- I forgot what I wanted to say – she exhaled, enjoying his kisses  
\- I get you…you also smell so good  
\- Oh God – she whispered – I really can´t move  
\- Then don´t  
\- Ok  
\- Do you want me to stop?  
\- No  
\- Good… because I can´t  
Making up for lost time, was wonderful. Really. Like really, really. They slept a little more and they got out of bed when the sun was down. Josh went to the bathroom and just when Donna was about to get up, her cellphone rang  
\- Hey Honey, how are you? – she responded, a little too eager to hear from Lily and hopefully learn a little bit more about her and Huck  
\- Hey mom… is this a bad time? Were you sleeping?  
\- Ah….no Lil´, just relaxing, I had a long week  
\- Oh…Okay then  
\- So…. How are things?   
\- Oh mom… super criptic my amazing mother  
\- Oh Lily cut me some slack… i´m trying here…. – she whispered  
\- Why are you whispering Mom?  
\- I´m not – she whined  
\- So…  
\- So…  
\- So … everything when fine…  
\- Fine?  
\- Well… yeah… I mean, I won´t go into details….  
\- Oh, for the love of God please don´t…. or….do…. whatever you need baby…  
\- Mom… don´t freak out  
\- Lily…  
\- No, really. Everything was… ok. Just …we´ll leave it at that  
\- Lily, what happened? Are you ….happy about it? Were you expecting something different?  
\- Oh…no…i´m just sort of embarrassed  
Donna got up and stood by the window, dreading that Josh would come out  
\- Lily, please don´t be. I mean, I know I´m your mom, but this is new territory for you and it is not for me and if I can be there for you I´m here, you know?  
\- Ah… okay  
\- Ok?  
\- Yeah  
A few seconds went by, and although Donna was anxious to hear from her (and honestelly praying to the Lord Josh wouldn´t come out of the bathroom to hear any of this)…  
\- I really love him Mom. I love him and he loves me so much. We talked a lot about it, just like you suggested, and it helped so much. It sort of built everything to a point that helped make this… moment… amazing. I mean, I didn´t know what I was doing but he listened to me, and was so gentle and caring and… you know?  
And Donna knew. She knew exactly what she wanted to express. Because she had felt it herself, time and time again … with Josh. Cared, respected, listened, cherished. She was so happy that Lily´s first experience with love, with sex, was building up to be in this caring and safe atmosphere. Her first experience with love had turned out to be not so memorable. Of course Brian had been gentle and caring, but his needs and time table came always first. And she wasn´t confident enough to make herself a priority. She had discovered her confidence that day in Manchester, when a rather sloppy and intense man had gifted her the most beautiful jewel she´d ever seen: his badge. That badge stood for her value, for a vote of confidence and a pledge to give the best from herself and to have his full support in return. Josh hadn´t disappointed her, and her confidence grew. While learning in her professional tasks, her self confidence started to grow as well.   
Donna had only one person to thank and that was Josh. But anytime she´d mention this, he always said the same thing: “it´s all you, Donna. I just went along for the ride and held your hand once in a while”.  
Yes.  
He was amazing that way.  
Of course they had their rough moments… but all in all, those fights, those months strained… her professional role had nothing to do with it. It was all the things unsaid, all those feelings pushed aside. When love was out in the open, well…that was bliss.   
Donna heard Josh open the door.   
\- Who´s that? – Josh mouthed  
\- It´s Lily – Donna mouthed  
\- Mom? Yeah?  
\- Are you still with me?  
\- Yeah – Donna made a little wave with her hand to ask Josh to leave. Sort of impatiently. Josh held his hands in the air in surrender. And left.  
\- Honey, I´m so happy you had a nice experience and that you could talk about it. I´m happy you are dating Huck, who is just… amazing, and you know what? Every woman deserves being respected and … cherished… It´s a big step for both a woman and a man and that you had the chance to go through it holding hands with Huck…   
\- Mom  
\- Yeah?  
\- You are overdoing it a bit  
\- Oh I´m sorry. I was having a Gilmore Girl´s moment Lily  
\- Yeah… I sensed it Mom  
\- Well…. But you get it right?  
\- Yeah Mom  
\- Good  
\- Ok, talk to you later  
\- Bye Honey, love you  
\- Love you too  
Donna went down the stairs and found Josh going threw her fridge  
\- Are you that hungry?  
\- I am… I´m sorry  
\- That´s fine. I may have some chicken left. I have some veggies in the fridge, we can put together a stir fry?  
\- That sounds good  
They started putting everything together. Donna poured themselves a glass of white wine.   
\- So everything good with Lily?  
\- Yeah… everything good  
\- So did she decide if she´ll come back for summer or ….  
\- We haven´t talk about it yet… I guess she´ll come at least a couple of weeks… or travel? But well…  
\- Yeah… Huck is graduating…  
\- Yeah… I mean if he gets a job maybe…  
\- Yeah… you were pretty deep in conversation though…  
\- Well Joshua, I´m her mom, we talk stuff  
\- What stuff?  
\- Girl stuff  
\- What girl stuff?  
\- Just girl stuff  
\- There´s no girl stuff for a 19 year old Donnatella  
\- Joshua? Do you have a question there?  
\- Is it sex stuff?  
\- Josh!  
\- What? I´m her dad. I´m entitled  
\- No you are not.  
\- Yes I am! It´s a mom and dad thing. We do not let the other hanging ok?  
\- Joshua. I´m telling you this once. Listen carefully. If you have a question for Lily, then you call your daughter and you ask her, ok?  
\- Okay  
Josh kept chopping vegetables and whispered under his breath  
\- Nothing ever changes


End file.
